When I wake up in the morning, I am usually faced with two different situations that keeps me struggling through the day. Sometimes I'm all positive and I look forward to being a better person, and I can see myself in the future and falling in love again. But sometimes I just want to stay in bed and let loose all the memories in my head and replay every single word you said, and tell myself that I will never get over this because I don't want to. Oh the struggle is so real and it is so painful that my thoughts fluctuate between these two extremes. 

I think I am a very idealistic person. I think I fall into the category of a very unreliable and inconsistent person. It's like my thoughts and feelings don't fall into neat categories while considering certain situations. They do fall into categories, but they're so random and I don't behave the same all the time. So I can make a decision but when I look back, I might choose a different path or maybe if you let me sit on the problem for a little while more, I might do something else that would surprise myself. But overall, I think I am a very idealistic person, which makes it very hard living here. Or anywhere. I really don't know.

I think 90% of the people I interact with are more realistic than idealistic and I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, we all need a little bit of reality to slap us awake and to get things moving and working. And realism is so often tied with the idea of being practical and stuff like that, and that's very useful. Especially since I lack lots and lots of life skills. 

Here's the thing: I think humans don't feel enough, and I think too many people are afraid to feel. Sometimes I get too caught up with overthinking and killing myself at night with all these thoughts that may or may not even be important, and I honestly wish my brain would shut up when I'm trying to sleep; but I've learnt to accept that this is a part of me and it doesn't mean I'm crazy or I need to see a psychiatrist even though it can be so disturbing at times. To live is to feel and to feel at such an intensity that sometimes it hurts, but sometimes it's so achingly beautiful. And I like that. And I also like that because sometimes when I watch people when I'm alone, or when I interact with people, I find it so sad that people choose to feel less and not to let their own emotions overwhelm them. 

If I had all the time in the world, I would want to think about everything and anything. And I would like to share them with people who would want to listen. I don't care if they even make sense but I feel so happy when I feel, even if it makes me experience an avalanche of feelings that I can't even decipher them. But it's okay. They exist for a reason. 

I think we always become concerned with very very very unimportant details and useless things that might seem to be very big and of paramount importance but actually they are the very little things and so insignificant. Why aren't we delving into greater things of more meaning and to peak our understanding of everything going on inside of our heads and in our lives? 

On a sidenote, I now know that an ideal type doesn't exist. I used to think that I'd look for someone who loves music and probably won't mind watching musicals and plays and visiting art museums with me. Or someone who loves children, and sitting at empty parks or grass fields and just talking and talking and talking. Or someone who does all the cliche things in the world which may sound very stupid but would express everything I'd want to know. But I think all these really don't matter. Okay, other than the fact that I think people with small eyes are absolutely attractive; but that doesn't count. I just think that sometimes we end up surprising ourselves when a spark flies and we can't imagine ourselves falling for that certain someone because he/she is nothing like we would imagine looking for in anyone. But it's okay. I think the most beautiful thing that would draw me to a person is his mind. If I were to take a peek into his mind and I like what I feel, it really doesn't matter what he likes or dislikes, or what he looks like.

Did you get anything you were reading? No? That's fine (:

When I wake up in the morning, I am usually faced with two different situations that keeps me struggling through the day. Sometimes I'm all positive and I look forward to being a better person, and I can see myself in the future and falling in love again. But sometimes I just want to stay in bed and let loose all the memories in my head and replay every single word you said, and tell myself that I will never get over this because I don't want to. Oh the struggle is so real and it is so painful that my thoughts fluctuate between these two extremes. 

I think I am a very idealistic person. I think I fall into the category of a very unreliable and inconsistent person. It's like my thoughts and feelings don't fall into neat categories while considering certain situations. They do fall into categories, but they're so random and I don't behave the same all the time. So I can make a decision but when I look back, I might choose a different path or maybe if you let me sit on the problem for a little while more, I might do something else that would surprise myself. But overall, I think I am a very idealistic person, which makes it very hard living here. Or anywhere. I really don't know.

I think 90% of the people I interact with are more realistic than idealistic and I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, we all need a little bit of reality to slap us awake and to get things moving and working. And realism is so often tied with the idea of being practical and stuff like that, and that's very useful. Especially since I lack lots and lots of life skills. 

Here's the thing: I think humans don't feel enough, and I think too many people are afraid to feel. Sometimes I get too caught up with overthinking and killing myself at night with all these thoughts that may or may not even be important, and I honestly wish my brain would shut up when I'm trying to sleep; but I've learnt to accept that this is a part of me and it doesn't mean I'm crazy or I need to see a psychiatrist even though it can be so disturbing at times. To live is to feel and to feel at such an intensity that sometimes it hurts, but sometimes it's so achingly beautiful. And I like that. And I also like that because sometimes when I watch people when I'm alone, or when I interact with people, I find it so sad that people choose to feel less and not to let their own emotions overwhelm them. 

If I had all the time in the world, I would want to think about everything and anything. And I would like to share them with people who would want to listen. I don't care if they even make sense but I feel so happy when I feel, even if it makes me experience an avalanche of feelings that I can't even decipher them. But it's okay. They exist for a reason. 

I think we always become concerned with very very very unimportant details and useless things that might seem to be very big and of paramount importance but actually they are the very little things and so insignificant. Why aren't we delving into greater things of more meaning and to peak our understanding of everything going on inside of our heads and in our lives? 

On a sidenote, I now know that an ideal type doesn't exist. I used to think that I'd look for someone who loves music and probably won't mind watching musicals and plays and visiting art museums with me. Or someone who loves children, and sitting at empty parks or grass fields and just talking and talking and talking. Or someone who does all the cliche things in the world which may sound very stupid but would express everything I'd want to know. But I think all these really don't matter. Okay, other than the fact that I think people with small eyes are absolutely attractive; but that doesn't count. I just think that sometimes we end up surprising ourselves when a spark flies and we can't imagine ourselves falling for that certain someone because he/she is nothing like we would imagine looking for in anyone. But it's okay. I think the most beautiful thing that would draw me to a person is his mind. If I were to take a peek into his mind and I like what I feel, it really doesn't matter what he likes or dislikes, or what he looks like.

Did you get anything you were reading? No? That's fine (: