I think I should create a private twitter/tumblr/blog so that I won't be perpetually wondering if I'm being annoying to people who actually bother to read things that I post. And I really think I have no outlet and I can't keep things in.
Today started off bad and I think it's going to end bad because all my positivity is gone again. I'm not surprised. This is taking its toll on me because I hate holding in tears but I should stop crying. I should stop feeling sad. I should stop thinking and replaying things because I just look like a stupid fool. I don't regret believing in everything he said and things that I dreamt of but I wish it is easier to put down everything and just walk away. I hate the guilt and the doubt that gnaw at my heart every single day and even though this is already long over, I am still filled with so much fear even though it doesn't even matter anymore. I just don't like the idea of being forgotten it is so horrible. Especially when I know I'm going to take such a long time. It really hurts but I don't know how to deal with it anymore.
