It has been a month but the wounds still feel as fresh as they were since day one.

Today I feel pathetic and I know it's one of my bad days and that I won't feel like this forever but it feels like a permanent thing. I am just so upset with myself and the fact that I'm upset makes me so frustrated and annoyed. I don't know what to do and I want someone to tell me what to do but I also want to do things that I love and that I want to do. There are so many fears and thoughts that are holding me back and they are intangible things that I can banish to the back of my mind but when they do take over my mind, they do so so horribly that I can't control myself. I want to be positive but I don't want to be overly optimistic because it doesn't help at all. How do you find a balance in everything and keep an equilibrium and everything, without wasting your life away and being as boring as fuck? I don't know.

And the world is in so much chaos. I am so afraid. I don't want to grow up and I want things to get better. I want to feel okay every single day and I don't want to feel like giving up every single second.

Sometimes I wish you could just reach into your brain and pack up those thoughts that you don't want and ship them to the farthest end of the earth and not see them ever again. Everywhere I go I hear my own thoughts and it is so loud it is so loud it is so freaking loud. I feel like I can't convey them and they're kept in my heart brain stomach intestines bladder liver WHEREVER and I can't get them out no matter who I talk to and what I write and everything. I want to explode. But can you even explode?

It has been a month but the wounds still feel as fresh as they were since day one.

Today I feel pathetic and I know it's one of my bad days and that I won't feel like this forever but it feels like a permanent thing. I am just so upset with myself and the fact that I'm upset makes me so frustrated and annoyed. I don't know what to do and I want someone to tell me what to do but I also want to do things that I love and that I want to do. There are so many fears and thoughts that are holding me back and they are intangible things that I can banish to the back of my mind but when they do take over my mind, they do so so horribly that I can't control myself. I want to be positive but I don't want to be overly optimistic because it doesn't help at all. How do you find a balance in everything and keep an equilibrium and everything, without wasting your life away and being as boring as fuck? I don't know.

And the world is in so much chaos. I am so afraid. I don't want to grow up and I want things to get better. I want to feel okay every single day and I don't want to feel like giving up every single second.

Sometimes I wish you could just reach into your brain and pack up those thoughts that you don't want and ship them to the farthest end of the earth and not see them ever again. Everywhere I go I hear my own thoughts and it is so loud it is so loud it is so freaking loud. I feel like I can't convey them and they're kept in my heart brain stomach intestines bladder liver WHEREVER and I can't get them out no matter who I talk to and what I write and everything. I want to explode. But can you even explode?