"You have no idea how much I care about you. I would honestly wait for you forever but I don't think you realize that. I try so fucking hard not to have feelings for you but honestly I just fall for you more and more every single day. I hate that I can't get over you. I've tried not talking to you, ignoring you, but I can't bring myself to just forget about you. All I ever do is think about you and that's it. I just wonder if you think about me too."
Monday, October 27, 201410:36 PM
Mock assessor had lots of things to say about me and my presentation and while she was talking I really felt like I could sink into the ground not because I was embarrassed but more of because I was just so tired and overwhelmed by being assessed. I don't understand. Why are we being graded on how we talk and how we gesture and how we make eye contact? PLEASE. I make eye contact when I want to and I talk at the speed I want to and I will have intonation when I want to and I will gesture wildly or not move at all when I want to. Anyway, I really felt like I tried my best even though I panicked when the uncle suddenly came in to clear the rubbish and dragged the trash bag along the side of the classroom and broke my train of thoughts. But okay, it was still okay!
I just need time I guess. A lot of it. I have accepted that things have changed but I just need time to get used to it and to kill all my previous dreams. But I am okay. It will take a long long while because I've really fallen far too deep but it's okay it will take a while and I am okay with that (:
