"GROUNDED

The little birds

      who dream of flight

      who gaze into

      the starry night.

Their tired wings

      fold down and up;

      they try their best

      but it is not enough.

- Lang Leav"

When I feel inadequate, sometimes I wonder if it's really just myself speaking or is it the words and actions of the people around me, making me feel as worthless as I do now? Because I'm not sure which is worse: feeling inadequate about myself or being inadequate to the people around me.

People always say that we don't live for others but we live for ourselves. But I wonder how is that possible because our lives are so deeply intertwined with the lives of others that it's almost impossible to ignore that whatever we do seems to affect the people around us so we are - to a large extent - living for others. I mean, it overlaps. Unless we cut our lives away from everyone and away from civilisation then perhaps we'd finally reach the point of living solely for ourselves. 

Perhaps why we feel insecure about how we look is because we cannot see ourselves the way others see us. And as we go about our daily lives we never know how we truly look like. Maybe we think that all that is bad is so blatant to others simply because we will never know what we look like to others. And that's why we are so hard on ourselves. So very hard. The only time we see ourselves are in pictures and in the mirror and sometimes I choose to believe that these are just the unfortunate moments where I end up looking like this. I always seem to joke that maybe I shouldn't even try smiling for the camera every single time because it ends up looking so bad all the time. We laugh at how screwed up I look after a photograph is taken, but when it happens far too many times and I realise it can't be that these "unfortunate moments" coincidentally keep happening when I realise that it's probably true that there aren't good moments if the face is never good enough anyway.

I am strange.

I am definitely wasting too much of my time but I just can't bring myself to do anything productive. I really hate studying. And I really want to get it over and done with. The excuse of still being a kid and that I shouldn't be making such tough decisions about my life is long over, and I should stop being such a failure and start planning what I want to do in the future. If only life didn't have such choices...imagine how easy everything would be.

I want to feel the ease and the silk-like feeling of just crumbling under your touch.

me.

"GROUNDED

The little birds

      who dream of flight

      who gaze into

      the starry night.

Their tired wings

      fold down and up;

      they try their best

      but it is not enough.

- Lang Leav"

When I feel inadequate, sometimes I wonder if it's really just myself speaking or is it the words and actions of the people around me, making me feel as worthless as I do now? Because I'm not sure which is worse: feeling inadequate about myself or being inadequate to the people around me.

People always say that we don't live for others but we live for ourselves. But I wonder how is that possible because our lives are so deeply intertwined with the lives of others that it's almost impossible to ignore that whatever we do seems to affect the people around us so we are - to a large extent - living for others. I mean, it overlaps. Unless we cut our lives away from everyone and away from civilisation then perhaps we'd finally reach the point of living solely for ourselves. 

Perhaps why we feel insecure about how we look is because we cannot see ourselves the way others see us. And as we go about our daily lives we never know how we truly look like. Maybe we think that all that is bad is so blatant to others simply because we will never know what we look like to others. And that's why we are so hard on ourselves. So very hard. The only time we see ourselves are in pictures and in the mirror and sometimes I choose to believe that these are just the unfortunate moments where I end up looking like this. I always seem to joke that maybe I shouldn't even try smiling for the camera every single time because it ends up looking so bad all the time. We laugh at how screwed up I look after a photograph is taken, but when it happens far too many times and I realise it can't be that these "unfortunate moments" coincidentally keep happening when I realise that it's probably true that there aren't good moments if the face is never good enough anyway.

I am strange.

I am definitely wasting too much of my time but I just can't bring myself to do anything productive. I really hate studying. And I really want to get it over and done with. The excuse of still being a kid and that I shouldn't be making such tough decisions about my life is long over, and I should stop being such a failure and start planning what I want to do in the future. If only life didn't have such choices...imagine how easy everything would be.

I want to feel the ease and the silk-like feeling of just crumbling under your touch.

me.