How do I tell you that sometimes even when I snuggle up to you, the smell's all wrong and your fingers just don't keep me from taking flight anymore? And I still like to hear about your day but I don't see myself being in them even when your eyes light up. Maybe I could defy the laws of the earth when they say opposites attract because sometimes I silently wish that you'd be more like me but at the same time I want you to stay the way you are because it isn't worth it to change for anyone, not even me. And I'd probably hate myself if I lose the one person or the things that I loved about you. It doesn't matter when I close my eyes to feel your lips in my hair because all I can think about is how much I'd miss this if I walked away now. And how you make me feel like a bad bad person out to create nightmares when I simply shake my head when you ask what's wrong. It isn't because I don't want to tell you. But I was making decisions I didn't want you to hear.
Things get better. Without fail. You do something funny to make me laugh or you pull me away from oncoming cars. And I think about all the sadness in my life and how you make waking up so much more lovely, and how I wouldn't survive literally if I didn't have you looking out for me. How I'd not see that car, that beam above my head, or how good I can be with you around. When things get better I no longer think about leaving and I think about getting better for you so that we can live through all the things we've been waiting to do, planning to do. I suddenly think about how much I want to sleep next to you and wake up with you by my side, then waking up isn't just lovely but just breathtaking.
And I want to stay like that. I want to feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff. Like I'm deciding whether it's better to jump off the cliff or turn back to safety. And then there'd be you and your arms to hold me and we'll just stand there, no matter how many times I tell you I want to jump, you tell me it's okay and you're here to hold me back.
