A thousand lies have made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same.
Sunday, January 12, 20146:33 PM
"It gets hard but it won't take away my love..."
Monday tomorrow and I'm not exactly ready to meet people and get shit done yet. It's only the second week of school but I'm already feeling so weary and apprehensive of what's coming my way this time. I honestly don't think it's going to be easy but I'm going to give it my best shot. Not sure where this sudden motivation this year is coming from but I hope I can start on a clean slate and stop thinking about how much I sucked back in Junior High.
What's it like to give someone literally your everything, but having them disappoint you time after time? And they get your hopes up that maybe this time something's going to finally click into place and it's going to turn out the way you wanted. It gets so frustrating to always be waiting for them to see the signs and maybe even see the light, and so tiring.
It takes a lot to put down things that you've held on for a long time. And to finally bid farewell and put them down permanently. Every time you feel like running back to them to let that sense of loss wash over your toes again and again, you have to remind yourself to not look back and keep moving forward. Now that I've let all of them go, I want to look back but it feels so wrong to do so. Wasn't it my choice to move on? Now I just want that feeling of familiarity, something that I've got used to. I can't make sense of all these new things and they're making me so unsure and nervous.
I can almost imagine someone tugging at my wrists so I will stop looking back.
We both know how this ends.
Well, I really want to get a dress and eat cake. Tired of figuring out how life works so I want to do something normal and therapeutic like getting something pretty and eating. Just to make myself feel better hahaha, everyone should have a feel-good-day (:
xoxo,
me
If anyone needs some good music (:
^ my new song interest hehe "here without you"
