"If you're dating a writer and they don't write about you - whether it's good or bad - then they don't love you. They just don't. Writers fall in love with the people we find inspiring. - Jamie Anne Royce"

Currently dying in a sea of LA readings because I thought it'd be good for me to take down notes instead of just reading them blindly but I think I can't afford to do my mindmaps anymore. I'm only into my first topic (and about five more topics to go) and I'm already suffocating and dying ): Would you believe it? LA has turned into something so scary and feared that you can't even remember how you breezed through it in Year One and Two .__. Oh help us.

Anyway, I was reading this opinion piece (thank you Ms Soh) about elitism and meritocracy and if it wasn't for those heated debates during LA lectures and lessons, I wouldn't actually know that such things exist O__O Maybe I'm just not aware that these things are happening around me. Either way, the author said this one line that just kind of hit me like an oncoming truck: Singapore is such an elitist society precisely because of meritocracy. "For meritocracy tells us that anyone can achieve, if they have the gumption, that wherewithal, the drive, the talent, the ability. In meritocracy, success depends on your own efforts - on merits. And so we are led into the seduction of believing the reverse: that if you don't do well, if you drop out, there's something, well, unmeritorious about you, and so you deserve your mediocrity."

(The irony when I'm reading about the education system -.-)

Controversies are all I've heard about this topic and to be honest, I'm not sure where I stand in this. I think I'm not to blame to be stuck in this dilemma because I'm told literally every day that we're in the top tier of the students in Singapore and we're in the top five schools and that we're very smart, but then I'm in the bottom of the smart kids. Funny huh. Jamie and I used to joke back in Year One that we would be better off in a normal school, and then be the top students there rather than being here and being crushed by all the high-achievers. Nothing against high-achievers. They have every right to be on top of us when they work so much harder and they're just born with the intellectual level. And we have to be thankful for them because how else will Singapore score so well in international tests and come in first in Mathematics and Science? (things that I detest) 

The better ones will appreciate this meritocratic society because it's what keeps them afloat/up there/high high high high in the sky, while the rest will just be sitting here on the ground (bottom) and then cursing at why we're living in a place like this. It's all just to benefit ourselves isn't it? People like me curse and swear at the education system simply because we're not excelling at it and the sad thing is we're in a school that actually excels academically so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing here == It is obvious how better students get selected for certain stuff because they're from the better classes and as much as I really don't bother, I think it's sad how some of my friends around me who really deserve it are not getting the recognition. 

Inside joke: we always have the Level 5 and Level 6 joke, where we always say the people on Level 5 are running around and creating havoc while the people on Level 6 are cooped inside and studying. 

Every year around this time, people start getting uptight about O levels and A levels and PSLE and everything and back then I mugged like crazy for PSLE because back then I was actually "smart". Or maybe just a nerd. Whatever. Anyway, I felt like I had a shot at something four years ago. Like I was made to break out of my shell and that if people could do it, I could do the same. Looking back, I probably studied harder than I've ever had because I believed that I could do better than people thought I could. Then coming here to Dunman High has it's good and bad, and though I would never regret my choice, sometimes I think this isn't the place for me. Kids taking PSLE now get so stressed because they think that just because they fail once, they fail forever. Success stories, though how admirable and impressive are honestly one in a million. As much as we joke about ourselves being success stories in the future (scoring 2.53 now and then achieving 9 As in the future), we know it isn't going to happen any time soon. When you get better, people get better as well, and then everyone moves on and you either lag behind or stay where you are and then die. 

I'm not ranting about how the world would suck for me because I know I can do much more but I'm just being lazy and not maximising potential. But nonetheless, you've got to admit, it gets tiring and we all get breathless so easily nowadays, just from chasing for good/passable grades. I just wish my grades don't define who I am and that people would stop labeling me as a bad student just because I don't get As (yes I don't to the bunch of people who whine just because you guys don't hit an A+) or that I don't study hard enough (well, I don't know, I don't find textbooks and notes and all that bullshit very interesting) or that I'm disappointing (let's see how you will never disappoint anyone, shall we?). Like wtf, I don't say much because sometimes I think I deserve it but as much as I don't say anything, I wish some of you would just shut up because you're not even helping anything.

I think it's really disgusting and revolting when people step on you to go above you for their personal gains and then they get all selfish in fears that you will surpass them someday. How gross can you get.

I just wish there'd be some place for me to stand when I feel that I don't belong.

xoxo,

me. 

And yes, hello october (:

"If you're dating a writer and they don't write about you - whether it's good or bad - then they don't love you. They just don't. Writers fall in love with the people we find inspiring. - Jamie Anne Royce"

Currently dying in a sea of LA readings because I thought it'd be good for me to take down notes instead of just reading them blindly but I think I can't afford to do my mindmaps anymore. I'm only into my first topic (and about five more topics to go) and I'm already suffocating and dying ): Would you believe it? LA has turned into something so scary and feared that you can't even remember how you breezed through it in Year One and Two .__. Oh help us.

Anyway, I was reading this opinion piece (thank you Ms Soh) about elitism and meritocracy and if it wasn't for those heated debates during LA lectures and lessons, I wouldn't actually know that such things exist O__O Maybe I'm just not aware that these things are happening around me. Either way, the author said this one line that just kind of hit me like an oncoming truck: Singapore is such an elitist society precisely because of meritocracy. "For meritocracy tells us that anyone can achieve, if they have the gumption, that wherewithal, the drive, the talent, the ability. In meritocracy, success depends on your own efforts - on merits. And so we are led into the seduction of believing the reverse: that if you don't do well, if you drop out, there's something, well, unmeritorious about you, and so you deserve your mediocrity."

(The irony when I'm reading about the education system -.-)

Controversies are all I've heard about this topic and to be honest, I'm not sure where I stand in this. I think I'm not to blame to be stuck in this dilemma because I'm told literally every day that we're in the top tier of the students in Singapore and we're in the top five schools and that we're very smart, but then I'm in the bottom of the smart kids. Funny huh. Jamie and I used to joke back in Year One that we would be better off in a normal school, and then be the top students there rather than being here and being crushed by all the high-achievers. Nothing against high-achievers. They have every right to be on top of us when they work so much harder and they're just born with the intellectual level. And we have to be thankful for them because how else will Singapore score so well in international tests and come in first in Mathematics and Science? (things that I detest) 

The better ones will appreciate this meritocratic society because it's what keeps them afloat/up there/high high high high in the sky, while the rest will just be sitting here on the ground (bottom) and then cursing at why we're living in a place like this. It's all just to benefit ourselves isn't it? People like me curse and swear at the education system simply because we're not excelling at it and the sad thing is we're in a school that actually excels academically so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing here == It is obvious how better students get selected for certain stuff because they're from the better classes and as much as I really don't bother, I think it's sad how some of my friends around me who really deserve it are not getting the recognition. 

Inside joke: we always have the Level 5 and Level 6 joke, where we always say the people on Level 5 are running around and creating havoc while the people on Level 6 are cooped inside and studying. 

Every year around this time, people start getting uptight about O levels and A levels and PSLE and everything and back then I mugged like crazy for PSLE because back then I was actually "smart". Or maybe just a nerd. Whatever. Anyway, I felt like I had a shot at something four years ago. Like I was made to break out of my shell and that if people could do it, I could do the same. Looking back, I probably studied harder than I've ever had because I believed that I could do better than people thought I could. Then coming here to Dunman High has it's good and bad, and though I would never regret my choice, sometimes I think this isn't the place for me. Kids taking PSLE now get so stressed because they think that just because they fail once, they fail forever. Success stories, though how admirable and impressive are honestly one in a million. As much as we joke about ourselves being success stories in the future (scoring 2.53 now and then achieving 9 As in the future), we know it isn't going to happen any time soon. When you get better, people get better as well, and then everyone moves on and you either lag behind or stay where you are and then die. 

I'm not ranting about how the world would suck for me because I know I can do much more but I'm just being lazy and not maximising potential. But nonetheless, you've got to admit, it gets tiring and we all get breathless so easily nowadays, just from chasing for good/passable grades. I just wish my grades don't define who I am and that people would stop labeling me as a bad student just because I don't get As (yes I don't to the bunch of people who whine just because you guys don't hit an A+) or that I don't study hard enough (well, I don't know, I don't find textbooks and notes and all that bullshit very interesting) or that I'm disappointing (let's see how you will never disappoint anyone, shall we?). Like wtf, I don't say much because sometimes I think I deserve it but as much as I don't say anything, I wish some of you would just shut up because you're not even helping anything.

I think it's really disgusting and revolting when people step on you to go above you for their personal gains and then they get all selfish in fears that you will surpass them someday. How gross can you get.

I just wish there'd be some place for me to stand when I feel that I don't belong.

xoxo,

me. 

And yes, hello october (: