Let's get drunk and tell each other everything we're too afraid to say sober.
Monday, September 30, 201312:37 AM
"I poured out my heart to you..."
Not sure why I'm doing this when I've got lots of work to do and stuff but I guess I just thought about some things and then I decided the best way to talk about them would be here (: So I was talking to Peiqi (LOL) and then she mentioned about her room and a lot of lame stuff which I shall not repeat here (x And then I just thought about how we were talking about going to each other's house during Nat Comp and how until now, we haven't been to Peiqi's house xD
I guess we always focus on the results and all the emotions that come after that, that we often forgot about the long way we came and the entire process. I guess I've almost forgotten about them if it were not for how things haven't changed much even though we've all stopped training and all.
The last few weeks of preparations for Nat was probably the most insane. There was this one training where we got so badly niao-ed at by our mentors that after we were dismissed, we sat outside the bookstore on the floor (still in boots) to plan out our goals and objectives for all our subsequent trainings. I guess we only work well when we hit rock bottom and suddenly we displayed this sense of maturity of planning for our future and not just entrusting everything to our mentors (though we trust all of you a lot :'D). And I'm going to say this (don't blame me guys) but because we realised we didn't have enough time, we decided to create time/buy some time. So during the June holidays, we had illegal trainings. And I'm just making it sound bad because of the word "illegal" but aww, it wasn't that bad okay.
Being without mentors and only with our number five to guide us along was probably one of the scariest thing I felt happened. It's like, not knowing if you're getting it right because your number five only has one pair of eyes and she can't keep a look-out for four other people (and Pengfei, who's just monkeying around). But I guess that's when we were really honest with ourselves, no covering up, because what good would it do? And we had a lot of fun ((((: At my house and at Charlotte's (: And then there was the one time where everyone minus Lau, even Pengfei, turned up in black shirts and I had to cook maggie mee for them xD And we took a photo together (: They were all just really great memories and we were productive :D
School trainings had their ups and downs, especially when we were making improvements for home nursing (which we love/hate) and then our footdrill and first-aid were becoming worrying. There were times when it would turn out very very very good, and times when we would just suck and it was all like some big nightmare because we constantly reminded ourselves about the lack of time ): Not fun at all ):
There were the random discussions that we had, when we would sit outside the classroom waiting for case to start, and we'd have heated discussions about the truth of 11:11 and why they work or don't work. Or looking across the building at pretty angmoh girls from other schools during the Literature festival. Or singing the remix of the hail song and then making all our mentors sing together. I guess these were the little things that we did when we were tired to make us go on and on and on and on, and I'm glad we did.
What's war without fatality and battle scars? We had our fair share of scares and injuries. First there was me who pulled some muscle in my arm when I was reaching for Champs who was on the floor and then I just had to spam salonpas spray (yes they come in spray form now) and it was all so scary. And then there was the random back injury because I guess it was bad sleeping positions and then Peiqi with her over-stretched leg muscles because ahem she ahem tried ahem to jump on-board a bus (?!?!?!?!) ahem until now I still don't get how that was possible but okaaaaaaaaay ;) And in the early morning of Nat Comp, our dear steward who shall not be named for privacy reasons was unwell and couldn't be our steward and Ma'am Diane said that if we didn't have a steward, we might be disqualified. Thinking about it now, if we were disqualified................................... ;) But okay, in the end we managed to get someone who hasn't left the house (PHEW) and yupppp. During the competition I thank God for the power of long lasting salonpas which managed to get me through the entire day, because when I peeled it off, it was burning hot and my back just nua-ed away instantly TT^TT Throughout the day I wasn't feeling too good either and I was so afraid I would die during footdrill because the whole world seemed floaty then. (Then there was Ms Prawn who fell down and destroyed her trophy but that's another story :D ily prawn)
After first-aid, we were certain we'd screwed up because it was nothing we've ever done and we just sat there in the kind of silence that was so..."thick"? There and then I was really afraid I'd lose my team to the sea of self-doubt and fear that we've never felt so badly before. Before the competition, Geena told us that Marilyn once said that the scariest part is if we could get through Zone or not, and then during Nat itself, it's less pressurizing and everything. It was like that, until we hit the realisation that we were sitting in the midst of a national competition and it wasn't about if we could get pass anything because the only thing we wanted and were fighting for were ourselves. It took a while and quite a lot to finally gather our nerves and stuff because the amount of desire to get at least top three was suffocating. And I don't know, I just thought my entire team wasn't up for getting awards after that. We were just...worried and dying, literally.
I'm not sure how you guys are coping now because I don't have time (regretfully) to ask about you guys but no matter what happens I promise to be here. I'm sorry that I'm such a difficult person to understand, that there are times when I just flare up and shut you guys out and refuse to reveal anything and literally turn into the biggest ass on Earth; and I'm sorry for that. There are times when I feel that I really don't deserve good people like you guys but okay, now I know that even if you guys disown me I'll still turn up at your doorsteps and sleep under your bed or something. You're the kind of friends I never imagined having and no matter what life gives in the future, I hope you guys stay forever.
Some things, no matter how painful and difficult, they're so precious because they still hold the greatest beauty.
xoxo,
me
