'Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love, spotlight shining, it's all about us.
Tuesday, October 1, 201311:00 PM
I just feel so empty right now. Not sure how to describe what I feel and it is horrible because I would really like to put a word to it so that I can use it in the future. It's like I'm swimming in my thoughts and then something normal comes around and I get about doing stuff but then when I'm finally done with all these responsibilities, I go back to swimming in my thoughts again. No, I think "swimming" is a wrong word. More like "drowning" but unlike drowning, I'm not yearning to break free.
I wonder how much it'd take for people to start to realise your absence. Take a year? Take a mistake? Take a death? Take a moment gone forever? Sometimes I feel like something drastic must happen for people to realise what's around them and then go about treasuring everything around them. Sometimes I feel I have to deliberately create space between myself and the people around me just so they realise I'm gone. And sometimes, I feel that I need to suffer to know if people around me do exist.
And it's pathetic how to have the stories of your past cut open and examined, so raw though a million years ago. And no one seems to understand why it means so much and they just laugh and scoff, but it hurts so much to see them again.
I see you and I realise how much I would give up just so to have you by my side again because it was only then that I felt that there was someone who would catch me when I fall, someone who genuinely cares, someone who would go out of their way to see me smiling and it hurts so bad to know that you'll never come back. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever, and the worst part is that I can't do anything about it.
If you
could just count to a hundred without getting cut off,
But the
insides of you burned and scrambled madly
Like you
might have swallowed a hurricane.
You feel
the windows to your soul flutter and settle,
And the
water filling your ears so you couldn’t hear
Nor listen.
And you
reach for your knees to pull yourself together; closer.
Dreams of
flailing arms and gasps of returning breath,
Coupled
with a blanket and a kiss of life or two;
Destroyed,
dashed, shoved to the bottom to never be seen.
Just when
the pain hits your centre
And the
Darkness tries to grab you to consume you whole,
You kick
desperately and your lungs squirmed hesitantly,
And the
water finally sets you free to meet the sun.
Your dad
puts down the papers and smiles.
Your mum picks
up your towel and waves you over.
You shake
your head, no.
Looking for
the deepest of the deepest,
Where you’d
perform your tricks again.
Then you
plunge in
Head-first
Mind-first.
y
