I really wish I'd be able to master the art of ageing gracefully because I've seen evidence of people who age REALLY gracefully and aren't you all just jealous? But yeah, it's an art, and it only happens if you're lucky I guess. Which just reiterates my point of not wanting to grow up and grow old D:


And I really need a new playlist D:


The only thing that gets to me these few days is how people really honestly don't care. I don't know if it's just me and I highly suspect it's just me because it's always just me but I don't like how I'm feeling all the time. It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot to think that whatever happens to me I can't tell anyone and no one will really care. It just makes me wonder how many of the people around me are actually real in any form. I want to feel good and normal around the people around me but all I feel is running away because I just feel so horrible. So horrible. Is it because I don't deserve to have anyone around me and that I'm better off alone? It sucks that we all require human interaction because I'm sure it'd hurt less if I didn't need people. I don't even know what I'm saying because I'm sure even when I get it all out no one really bothers because nothing works for me anymore.


I think I'd like to live on a mountain where the only access to civilization would be my laptop, tv and my phone and I'd only connect with people who actually want to talk to me and people who cares for me. And no one would come to visit me unless I specifically invite them for them to check if I'm still alive or not. And I'd cook my own meals and meet new people everyday as I go travelling to new places but I wouldn't stay long enough for me to know them and them to know me because that's unnecessary. And I would get good books and dedicate an entire day where I just sit outside and lose myself in a world that will never be mine. And when I get lonely it'd probably be when I'm 80 or 90. Then I can find myself a nice spot, where I'll rest.

So much for pushing people away and then wishing there'd be someone here.


But alright okay, I think I'm not good enough to have people actually genuinely asking if I'm alright because what are the chances that I would like to share with you and all my reasons are stupid anyway, I feel stupid feeling like that anyway.


We live in this pragmatic and meritocratic society, where "absurd" ideas are scorned upon and without proper qualifications, dreams are just labelled as mindless dreaming with no hope and future. Isn't it scary that we were encouraged to think out of the box and exercise creativity as a kid, and we were told we could reach the skies if we wanted to, we could fly a jetplane as long as we set our hearts to it, we could live happily ever after no matter how bad things go along the way, only to realise as we grow up that all these don't ever exist and they were told to make us realise that life is all just but one horrible game.


Alright, that's all (:

xoxo,
me

I really wish I'd be able to master the art of ageing gracefully because I've seen evidence of people who age REALLY gracefully and aren't you all just jealous? But yeah, it's an art, and it only happens if you're lucky I guess. Which just reiterates my point of not wanting to grow up and grow old D:


And I really need a new playlist D:


The only thing that gets to me these few days is how people really honestly don't care. I don't know if it's just me and I highly suspect it's just me because it's always just me but I don't like how I'm feeling all the time. It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot to think that whatever happens to me I can't tell anyone and no one will really care. It just makes me wonder how many of the people around me are actually real in any form. I want to feel good and normal around the people around me but all I feel is running away because I just feel so horrible. So horrible. Is it because I don't deserve to have anyone around me and that I'm better off alone? It sucks that we all require human interaction because I'm sure it'd hurt less if I didn't need people. I don't even know what I'm saying because I'm sure even when I get it all out no one really bothers because nothing works for me anymore.


I think I'd like to live on a mountain where the only access to civilization would be my laptop, tv and my phone and I'd only connect with people who actually want to talk to me and people who cares for me. And no one would come to visit me unless I specifically invite them for them to check if I'm still alive or not. And I'd cook my own meals and meet new people everyday as I go travelling to new places but I wouldn't stay long enough for me to know them and them to know me because that's unnecessary. And I would get good books and dedicate an entire day where I just sit outside and lose myself in a world that will never be mine. And when I get lonely it'd probably be when I'm 80 or 90. Then I can find myself a nice spot, where I'll rest.

So much for pushing people away and then wishing there'd be someone here.


But alright okay, I think I'm not good enough to have people actually genuinely asking if I'm alright because what are the chances that I would like to share with you and all my reasons are stupid anyway, I feel stupid feeling like that anyway.


We live in this pragmatic and meritocratic society, where "absurd" ideas are scorned upon and without proper qualifications, dreams are just labelled as mindless dreaming with no hope and future. Isn't it scary that we were encouraged to think out of the box and exercise creativity as a kid, and we were told we could reach the skies if we wanted to, we could fly a jetplane as long as we set our hearts to it, we could live happily ever after no matter how bad things go along the way, only to realise as we grow up that all these don't ever exist and they were told to make us realise that life is all just but one horrible game.


Alright, that's all (:

xoxo,
me

Name: Cheryl
Location: Up in the sky.
DOB: 03/09

No one to stalk ;)

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