"We're making all the same mistakes..."

I am never alone. I am never alone in the sense that there are people who feel the same way I do and I'm glad these people exist. I think the only sad thing is that these people, well, some of them, live halfway across the Atlantic Ocean or to the other end of the Earth, and I'll never get to know them anyway. It's sad that I have not found a friend yet in this vast sea of people whom I can actually relate to and just be myself with because I don't have a care in the world if he/she judges me. Is it normal to feel so lonely in a room crowded with every kind of person possible that it gets suffocating that I just want to be alone? And the reality of the difference between "alone" and "lonely" gets so glaringly obvious, it's like blinding your sight?

To live is to live with expectations and I'm learning to cope with them. I don't think I have high expectations and because of this knowledge, the only question that goes through my mind every time someone disappoints me is "was it that difficult". I don't know, maybe I'm a selfish person but all I see is giving and receiving and nothing coming out of it and nothing taking the shorter routes or anything. I think it's just screwed up how people start doubting the motives of people when all they can be doing is just simply wanting to do something to benefit everyone.

To stop expecting would mark the time when I really give up on everything and everyone and I don't want that happening any time soon. There are good people in this world who are going to make a difference, be it in one person's life or the whole wide world. But it doesn't matter. 

I tried so hard to be what you needed.

"May the sky remind you it's okay to cry." - Lily Gabrielle 

I think I've quite gone past the days of crying because I realise now that some people actually derive joy from seeing you hurt and cry and even though it's a sick and twisted mindset, I'm going to respect it because that's how complicated the human mind is. Even though at that moment you feel so helpless and as if your brain has exceeded its working capacity and you just feel so weak and vulnerable, but what I always look forward to after crying is the sense of security that I wouldn't be crying like this again the next day. 

There's always going to be someone better. If you haven't thought of it this way, people get better because they strive to do better than what they were before and aim to overtake the capabilities of someone else and everyone is constantly doing that, causing the scales to shift. And who might be above and below you today might not be at the same position tomorrow.

To be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing all these. Are they here to make me feel better? Because I know how quickly things change and when I feel better after getting these things out, nothing lasts forever and I'll screw it up once again. All so quickly.

me. 

The only way is to not fall in love.

"We're making all the same mistakes..."

I am never alone. I am never alone in the sense that there are people who feel the same way I do and I'm glad these people exist. I think the only sad thing is that these people, well, some of them, live halfway across the Atlantic Ocean or to the other end of the Earth, and I'll never get to know them anyway. It's sad that I have not found a friend yet in this vast sea of people whom I can actually relate to and just be myself with because I don't have a care in the world if he/she judges me. Is it normal to feel so lonely in a room crowded with every kind of person possible that it gets suffocating that I just want to be alone? And the reality of the difference between "alone" and "lonely" gets so glaringly obvious, it's like blinding your sight?

To live is to live with expectations and I'm learning to cope with them. I don't think I have high expectations and because of this knowledge, the only question that goes through my mind every time someone disappoints me is "was it that difficult". I don't know, maybe I'm a selfish person but all I see is giving and receiving and nothing coming out of it and nothing taking the shorter routes or anything. I think it's just screwed up how people start doubting the motives of people when all they can be doing is just simply wanting to do something to benefit everyone.

To stop expecting would mark the time when I really give up on everything and everyone and I don't want that happening any time soon. There are good people in this world who are going to make a difference, be it in one person's life or the whole wide world. But it doesn't matter. 

I tried so hard to be what you needed.

"May the sky remind you it's okay to cry." - Lily Gabrielle 

I think I've quite gone past the days of crying because I realise now that some people actually derive joy from seeing you hurt and cry and even though it's a sick and twisted mindset, I'm going to respect it because that's how complicated the human mind is. Even though at that moment you feel so helpless and as if your brain has exceeded its working capacity and you just feel so weak and vulnerable, but what I always look forward to after crying is the sense of security that I wouldn't be crying like this again the next day. 

There's always going to be someone better. If you haven't thought of it this way, people get better because they strive to do better than what they were before and aim to overtake the capabilities of someone else and everyone is constantly doing that, causing the scales to shift. And who might be above and below you today might not be at the same position tomorrow.

To be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing all these. Are they here to make me feel better? Because I know how quickly things change and when I feel better after getting these things out, nothing lasts forever and I'll screw it up once again. All so quickly.

me. 

The only way is to not fall in love.