There's no moving on, so I'm already gone.
Sunday, May 5, 201310:56 PM
"You can't stop this girl from falling more in love with you..."
(: Another day has come and gone away. And sad to say I was supposed to use the weekends to pack for OBS but like the saying goes, "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail" and YESSIR, I have absolutely nothing in my bag that I'm bringing to OBS. Heck, I don't even know which bag I'm bringing to OBS -.- THIS SUCKS DD: Actually, even though I'm really dreading to go because I'm growing too comfortable with my surrounding (xD), but I'm kind of excited. A little. Like really a little bitty bit hahahaha. Just really praying that I'd get a really good group TT^TT Please please please please. Actually it's not the people in your group that matters, it's the COMBINATION of people .__.
Today was just slack day for me. Well, at least until now where I'm going to tackle 2 chemistry papers to prepare me for tomorrow D: Mum made brunch (: And dinner just now and I'm going to miss it for 5 days. Ugh ): The only thing that took up most of my day today was tuition --.-- It was supposed to be like, a last minute prep for tomorrow's paper but no, it just made me realise how unprepared I am == I'm not scared or anything but yeah, it just sucks to fail. And then I cheered myself up with my complimentary drink from Starbucks. Buttttt, unfortunately, it made me freeze in the bus on the way back home. But it's worth it!!!! (:<
Soon, and I really mean very soon, common tests would be over and that would mean one less major test 'til EOY. And one less test to A levels. Today, Dad talked to me about what I should do in the future and I really realise what a dangerous situation I am in. In a world full of competition, trying your best, doing your best, getting 'A's aren't enough anymore. Now, so what if you graduate from university? So what if you're a undergrad? Everyone's looking for higher qualifications because they want smart people to do their jobs. And I'm not talking about just being smart, but book-smart and critical thinking wise smart. No one cares how good a leader you are, a dancer, a singer, a whatever you are. No one cares how street-smart you are even. Like who gives a damn if you can survive in a forest on your own because chances are you'd be so comfortable with your office job, you wouldn't even have a chance to step into your own garden, much less the forest. In any case, I realise that I have to make it to the local U. There's no chance to get overseas or anything for me. It's too draining on resources and I still have my sister left. And please, I'm not even smart enough to get a scholarship haha. Honestly speaking, I think my sister has more of a future than me but that's for her. I'm not her. I don't plan to be some big shot (: People who keep commenting on my failures, read: I DON'T PLAN TO BE SOME BIG SHOT. Everything I'm doing now, other than making myself more educated and stuff (that's what everyone does), I'm just hoping I make money in the future so that I can feed my family, myself and my future family (if there's even going to be one). It's not about climbing the success ladder, being the first doctor to find cures, being a lawyer to win the most number of law cases, being an entrepreneur and become a millionaire by setting up business. I just seek for a comfortable and normal life. That's all.
It's with all these...standards and labels and things that people start to become insecure. Honestly, in the past, same is good. And now, same is good and different is bad. No one used to care about how different people are. But now, you're different and you're like the center of attraction. Why? People go around comparing and sticking labels on to you. Oh, you're from 7 units? AND gpa less than 2.8? Woah, you need serious help. You failed your math? You don't understand differentiation? But it's so damn easy! Well, yeah, good for you 'cause it's not good for me. I know I'm not stupid, I know I'm not excelling but don't you think learning becomes meaningless if everything is graded, everything is done for something. We do our work not because we truly want to, but because it's counted towards our CA. Really. Wtf. 
I don't believe in changing. Especially for things, for people, anything. Sooner or later, people will realize that all they've been living for, were the standards of others, for the sake of others; that when they reach the finishing point, they've never lived at all.
Sorry for my rant, I was just really upset that my chemistry tuition teacher told me that "I wasn't studying hard enough or maybe not even" and that I "really need to start studying". Sorry that I'm not as smart as the others in the class and I don't bring back good grades that make you nod in satisfaction. Just no chemistry with chemistry.
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| Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee, etc) THE WAY I ROLL: Everyone likes you because you're always upbeat. You like to sugarcoat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You end each day with a rousing rendition of "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow". You are in total denial about the shambles you call your life. |
LAST DAY OF CTS TOMORROW ((: JIAYOU EVERYONE.
xoxo,
me.
