It's easy for you. You're pretty.
Saturday, May 25, 201312:30 AM
"Why so shallow...?"
Let me tell you about a girl on replay in my mind everyday
Wish she would never go away, please stay.
Kissing you from head to toe, say I love you so you know
That I'll never I'll let you go, I'll take the burn, to touch your flame
Wish she would never go away, please stay.
Kissing you from head to toe, say I love you so you know
That I'll never I'll let you go, I'll take the burn, to touch your flame
I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling now. I'm just so frustrated and angry and sad at the same time. I just want to scream and cry because it's really too much to take. I won't even bother to explain to anyone now because it may seem like such a negligible reason but no, you don't understand.
I was feeling worse than this, and I wanted to just rant it all out. But I waited, so that I could calm down, but after close to an hour, I'm still feeling like this. I don't want to feel like this but what's happened has happened and I think I don't like it a single bit.
The only word that is running through my brain now is one word: betrayed. And I'm getting this from someone whom I thought would never ever ever do that to me. Sure, he hurt me countless of times, but I never thought it'd be that bad. I know he doesn't mean it, and I'm sure he doesn't even know it, but it still hurts all the same. I thought we were going to finish this up together, and I said I would be here no matter what. But lately, I don't know what he's thinking and he's just doing what he wants and I know I said I would do everything he wants me to but I'm just so tired that I don't even want to be involved now. Now when I'm finally wanting to be part of it, it's like I'm being pushed off into my own corner and told to just survive on my own. Now that I need help and he just makes it sound like I'm the one doing it all wrong. I know he won't give up the masses to just make sure I'm alright, or even just to get the job done, so I really wish I didn't have to do anything anymore. I just feel so disappointed that no matter how much I stand by him, when it's time for me to be alone, I really am left alone.
It may seem so trivial, but it means so much to me. I thought that I could finally have the feel back, and then start working my way up, back to where I was again. And because I know I haven't accomplished anything I wanted to have something tangible to take away with me. But now it's just entirely impossible, and the reason why is just so stupid: no one wants to care anymore.
I really feel like I'm being ripped open on the inside. It's like, everything is coming to an end but I haven't done anything, I haven't gained anything, I haven't finished everything. Why?
Fuck this. Seriously. I really don't know what to do anymore.
Facing this degree of helplessness, I can't imagine what I'm capable of telling myself. People are going to say things, and my promise was to make sure they don't get into trouble, to do the job of protecting them, but no I can't anymore because I'm too weak and I can't finish this alone.
What do I do? Can someone please help me?
Crying doesn't even solve the problem or ease the pain anymore. It just shows that I can't take this.
- the end -
