I've always thought that I don't need to think about ways to wind down and to cope with my emotions because I always just bathe or sleep things off and I feel better in the morning (sometimes). But then this year made me realise that I have to find other ways somehow because a shower and a bed is not always readily available any time, anywhere. And because life is life and sometimes life can be out to get you, not all methods are reliable and can stay unchanged. It's almost as if it can feel you warming up to it and making it your routine and getting comfy and it goes, oh no Cheryl, let me tweak your life a little so you have to start the cycle of finding another way to relax all over again. *cues evil laughter* I don't know. It just dawned on me that I always get so used to things that I'm doing and I never like change, despite change being the only constant in my life. And today Jessica threatened to delete one of my apps in my phone because I didn't do my mindmap like I promised to and I was just so sure she'd delete Tsumtsum (!?!?!?!?) and it's literally the only game that keeps me sane. Like, I used to cry and play it in bed, all snuggled up. (Even though it can be infuriating as hell) And also because Suhan goes in less than two days and I won't know how to make myself feel better so I need to find some way. It's like I forgot how well I was doing a few months ago and now I'm back to the stage where I find myself again.

School is really crazy. And sometimes I really want to throw bricks at myself or run into a wall because I NEVER LEARN. I always put off work (not to the last minute though!) and then I end up having to rush a lot of work and somehow the work is never-ending. It's like you can't stop to breathe somehow. It's just this cycle that you keep going on and on until end of As and then break for a little while which actually does no justice to all the hard work you'd put in for the year, and then it begins again until you die. Sort of. And the only time I got to sleep in and rest to my heart's content was when I fell sick which was kind of sad. The only time I get to rest is when I overwork my body? Wow, sounds like a robot to me. And it is like that. Wake up, go to school, die in the process, CCA, study, sleep. Repeat.

Anyway, back to managing my emotions. Today I was seriously contemplating if I should just give up and screw A levels and just sit on the floor and observe the flooring until I grow white hair and dissolve into ashes. It's just that it's always very tiring to be overloaded with so much information. It's insane. It's like teachers specialize in their subject and that's why they're good at it. But we take up so many subjects and we're expected to do well for every single one of them? And sometimes it just gets too overwhelming that I want to shut everyone out. So today I was just alternating between trying not to cry and trying not to fall asleep. It was really bad.

Okay, that's really all I wanted to say. I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY TO EVEN WORRY ABOUT OTHER THINGS. And there's a math test tomorrow. 

Somehow, I wish things would never go wrong between us.

I've always thought that I don't need to think about ways to wind down and to cope with my emotions because I always just bathe or sleep things off and I feel better in the morning (sometimes). But then this year made me realise that I have to find other ways somehow because a shower and a bed is not always readily available any time, anywhere. And because life is life and sometimes life can be out to get you, not all methods are reliable and can stay unchanged. It's almost as if it can feel you warming up to it and making it your routine and getting comfy and it goes, oh no Cheryl, let me tweak your life a little so you have to start the cycle of finding another way to relax all over again. *cues evil laughter* I don't know. It just dawned on me that I always get so used to things that I'm doing and I never like change, despite change being the only constant in my life. And today Jessica threatened to delete one of my apps in my phone because I didn't do my mindmap like I promised to and I was just so sure she'd delete Tsumtsum (!?!?!?!?) and it's literally the only game that keeps me sane. Like, I used to cry and play it in bed, all snuggled up. (Even though it can be infuriating as hell) And also because Suhan goes in less than two days and I won't know how to make myself feel better so I need to find some way. It's like I forgot how well I was doing a few months ago and now I'm back to the stage where I find myself again.

School is really crazy. And sometimes I really want to throw bricks at myself or run into a wall because I NEVER LEARN. I always put off work (not to the last minute though!) and then I end up having to rush a lot of work and somehow the work is never-ending. It's like you can't stop to breathe somehow. It's just this cycle that you keep going on and on until end of As and then break for a little while which actually does no justice to all the hard work you'd put in for the year, and then it begins again until you die. Sort of. And the only time I got to sleep in and rest to my heart's content was when I fell sick which was kind of sad. The only time I get to rest is when I overwork my body? Wow, sounds like a robot to me. And it is like that. Wake up, go to school, die in the process, CCA, study, sleep. Repeat.

Anyway, back to managing my emotions. Today I was seriously contemplating if I should just give up and screw A levels and just sit on the floor and observe the flooring until I grow white hair and dissolve into ashes. It's just that it's always very tiring to be overloaded with so much information. It's insane. It's like teachers specialize in their subject and that's why they're good at it. But we take up so many subjects and we're expected to do well for every single one of them? And sometimes it just gets too overwhelming that I want to shut everyone out. So today I was just alternating between trying not to cry and trying not to fall asleep. It was really bad.

Okay, that's really all I wanted to say. I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY TO EVEN WORRY ABOUT OTHER THINGS. And there's a math test tomorrow. 

Somehow, I wish things would never go wrong between us.