Was watching football just now and I just thought about the last time I actually sat down properly to watch football was during the World Cup. And even though I don't watch football very regularly and I only keep up with football news when I feel like it, I like to watch matches because they're just very exciting. Then I thought back about how the only person who could stand my madness when I watch football was probably only him, and how we supported different teams during the World Cup. Now people don't understand why I really want to fling imaginary popcorn when a goal happens as if I'm at the stadium watching the match live; or how I notice things like how the flag springs back even when a player runs into it, and all the distracting advertisements going on at the side. It amazes me how one day I'm going to do different things with the same person and it's going to feel alright again. But at the same time, I really don't want anyone new. I just want to feel the way I used to feel.

Today, I had a New Year gathering at my family friend's house and it's amazing how all of us have grown so much. Looking back, we used to play together and see each other every other week but now we've moved house to places further apart and life just gets so busy that we only meet up once or twice a year. And we always end up talking about the same thing and it gets to me how stressful it is, because of how well the other kids are doing. Especially since this year is A levels year, it's going to be so much more stressful. There are people who are going to good schools, getting scholarships, wanting to get into Medicine in university, playing netball in the school team; things that I'd never see myself doing. Just plain me. Mediocre perhaps. Nothing much to talk about for me. And then there are more things to worry about like school fees and how I'm just not good enough to get funded here and there and how I don't even want to be a burden. If I can actually stop being one maybe I'd focus on achieving something else greater. 

Okay, back to OGL stuff. Practically took over my life now. I'm really scared that when orientation is finally over, I have to face the scary reality and get back on my feet and feel alone most of the time.

Was watching football just now and I just thought about the last time I actually sat down properly to watch football was during the World Cup. And even though I don't watch football very regularly and I only keep up with football news when I feel like it, I like to watch matches because they're just very exciting. Then I thought back about how the only person who could stand my madness when I watch football was probably only him, and how we supported different teams during the World Cup. Now people don't understand why I really want to fling imaginary popcorn when a goal happens as if I'm at the stadium watching the match live; or how I notice things like how the flag springs back even when a player runs into it, and all the distracting advertisements going on at the side. It amazes me how one day I'm going to do different things with the same person and it's going to feel alright again. But at the same time, I really don't want anyone new. I just want to feel the way I used to feel.

Today, I had a New Year gathering at my family friend's house and it's amazing how all of us have grown so much. Looking back, we used to play together and see each other every other week but now we've moved house to places further apart and life just gets so busy that we only meet up once or twice a year. And we always end up talking about the same thing and it gets to me how stressful it is, because of how well the other kids are doing. Especially since this year is A levels year, it's going to be so much more stressful. There are people who are going to good schools, getting scholarships, wanting to get into Medicine in university, playing netball in the school team; things that I'd never see myself doing. Just plain me. Mediocre perhaps. Nothing much to talk about for me. And then there are more things to worry about like school fees and how I'm just not good enough to get funded here and there and how I don't even want to be a burden. If I can actually stop being one maybe I'd focus on achieving something else greater. 

Okay, back to OGL stuff. Practically took over my life now. I'm really scared that when orientation is finally over, I have to face the scary reality and get back on my feet and feel alone most of the time.