Back from my short getaway and I think the only thing I miss really much is the hotel because it was just so clean and spacious (unlike my room). And I love big beds and comfy white sheets so much. I can literally curl up in those sheets all day and just stare at the ceiling.

And here's everything that has been running through my mind. 

When I was younger, and I was travelling on this really huge bus to get to a hotel in the mountains of Aomori, I started this little story in my head about this boy and this girl running away from some forces of evil (I didn't figure that part out yet) and having to hide in all the forest and running through fields that seemed like they could stretch on forever. And when night comes, they would climb up to a tree and huddle together for warmth. When morning comes, they will start running again and sometimes there will be tigers and lions that they have to escape from. And I would play this little story game every time I traveled on the bus, changing landscapes as I go. You see, when we were younger we were so eager to fall in love and find someone to take care of us and look out for us that we forgot that all this can wait. We spend so long sitting around tables with friends, pouring over magazines and wishing that someday we would have weddings somewhere we really want to be at. Now when I look at what I've become, I wish I didn't learn how to put someone else's happiness before my own when I should be worrying about other things. And it's true: all these can wait. But then again, we never know when's the right time right? Life is all about making decisions on impulse and whether or not we regret them, they've already happened and the only way is forward. 

There's really nothing stronger than the mind. I've surprised myself with how I've been holding my shit together for all this time. Sometimes I think that I'm not making progress, but when I think back about how I was probably a while back, I really really really see how far I've come. And I'm learning so much every day. It's really all about being alone and maybe not lonely, but just thinking for yourself and about yourself. And while you slowly try to make sense about the things that are happening to you, you just live and somehow get through day after day until one day, it won't hurt anymore. I'm waiting.

你是否能感受到？

We always see opposing views like if there's one reason to make you leave, then you should leave; and then there's the one saying that as long as there is still one reason to make you stay, you should stay. And I've been thinking that if these two views that are so different actually exist, then we should always pick the optimistic side, no? 

The more educated we are, the more we know about the problems in the world and how to decipher all these interesting feelings that bubble through our veins. And usually when you have a chance to be educated, you rarely get a choice to live very simply because you either get sucked into a whole shitload of systems that you can't get out of, or you just can't without any reason or explanation. So we go about wishing that we could live simply, like on mountains and by quiet rivers. But isn't it always going to be like that? People will always seek what they do not have and they'll always think that the grass is always greener on the other side without even having been to the other side. Perhaps it's really just about accepting the fact that we are who we are and we are where we are and we are why we are, and we should just - to put it a little crudely - suck it up and just live while we still can.

I really wonder if I've broken out of the cycle of grieving yet.

Anyway, Bangkok has been really really fun and even though it's really like Singapore in many ways, I guess there are still different things like the people and even how the place looks. My mum remarked that Thailand is supposedly the land of smiles, but nowadays Thailand is experiencing this whole influx of tourists (you walk past at least 100 Singaporeans in a day) and they're not that sincere when they serve you anymore. Mostly they just sound annoyed when you have trouble understanding them. One new experience accumulated through this trip would be riding on an elephant. 

That's all from me. I think I think too much so my brain needs a break.

Back from my short getaway and I think the only thing I miss really much is the hotel because it was just so clean and spacious (unlike my room). And I love big beds and comfy white sheets so much. I can literally curl up in those sheets all day and just stare at the ceiling.

And here's everything that has been running through my mind. 

When I was younger, and I was travelling on this really huge bus to get to a hotel in the mountains of Aomori, I started this little story in my head about this boy and this girl running away from some forces of evil (I didn't figure that part out yet) and having to hide in all the forest and running through fields that seemed like they could stretch on forever. And when night comes, they would climb up to a tree and huddle together for warmth. When morning comes, they will start running again and sometimes there will be tigers and lions that they have to escape from. And I would play this little story game every time I traveled on the bus, changing landscapes as I go. You see, when we were younger we were so eager to fall in love and find someone to take care of us and look out for us that we forgot that all this can wait. We spend so long sitting around tables with friends, pouring over magazines and wishing that someday we would have weddings somewhere we really want to be at. Now when I look at what I've become, I wish I didn't learn how to put someone else's happiness before my own when I should be worrying about other things. And it's true: all these can wait. But then again, we never know when's the right time right? Life is all about making decisions on impulse and whether or not we regret them, they've already happened and the only way is forward. 

There's really nothing stronger than the mind. I've surprised myself with how I've been holding my shit together for all this time. Sometimes I think that I'm not making progress, but when I think back about how I was probably a while back, I really really really see how far I've come. And I'm learning so much every day. It's really all about being alone and maybe not lonely, but just thinking for yourself and about yourself. And while you slowly try to make sense about the things that are happening to you, you just live and somehow get through day after day until one day, it won't hurt anymore. I'm waiting.

你是否能感受到？

We always see opposing views like if there's one reason to make you leave, then you should leave; and then there's the one saying that as long as there is still one reason to make you stay, you should stay. And I've been thinking that if these two views that are so different actually exist, then we should always pick the optimistic side, no? 

The more educated we are, the more we know about the problems in the world and how to decipher all these interesting feelings that bubble through our veins. And usually when you have a chance to be educated, you rarely get a choice to live very simply because you either get sucked into a whole shitload of systems that you can't get out of, or you just can't without any reason or explanation. So we go about wishing that we could live simply, like on mountains and by quiet rivers. But isn't it always going to be like that? People will always seek what they do not have and they'll always think that the grass is always greener on the other side without even having been to the other side. Perhaps it's really just about accepting the fact that we are who we are and we are where we are and we are why we are, and we should just - to put it a little crudely - suck it up and just live while we still can.

I really wonder if I've broken out of the cycle of grieving yet.

Anyway, Bangkok has been really really fun and even though it's really like Singapore in many ways, I guess there are still different things like the people and even how the place looks. My mum remarked that Thailand is supposedly the land of smiles, but nowadays Thailand is experiencing this whole influx of tourists (you walk past at least 100 Singaporeans in a day) and they're not that sincere when they serve you anymore. Mostly they just sound annoyed when you have trouble understanding them. One new experience accumulated through this trip would be riding on an elephant. 

That's all from me. I think I think too much so my brain needs a break.