These few days I find myself getting flashbacks of little moments that don't mean much but still point to the fact that I spent so much time with you and now that you're gone, I can't remember what life was before you even appeared. The saying goes that if you were fine before them, you will be fine again when they're gone. And I believe so because I lived 15 years of my life without you and things will be fine. But then there's the other saying that you don't stop loving them; you just learn to live without them. I can't describe why I am scared. The whole idea about time passing and me being okay, no matter how badly I want for me to feel okay even when I see you; it just scares me how things keep changing and changing and changing. 

I just miss you a lot. I wanted forever, but apparently you have to wish harder. I've gone too far to go back but the thing is, I don't even have a choice. The only way is forward.

On a side note, the hectic schedule finally begins and I can feel myself getting more and more breathless. I don't want to lose myself in anything. I feel very isolated nowadays. No matter how hard I try to connect with people and talk to people, I feel connected for that second and then when I wake up, I feel the loss again. And it keeps happening. Is it because this is a bad time? Or is it because it's time for people to start leaving my life and they're taking their turns? 

I can't even share with the world what we had because I'm 'not supposed to'. I can't even live it through again, as and when I want.

While these moments don't define who we are and what's to come, these moments just make me realize how easily I can be tipped over and that I'm not that strong afterall. I want to do better than this. I just have to keep trying and trying and trying.

These few days I find myself getting flashbacks of little moments that don't mean much but still point to the fact that I spent so much time with you and now that you're gone, I can't remember what life was before you even appeared. The saying goes that if you were fine before them, you will be fine again when they're gone. And I believe so because I lived 15 years of my life without you and things will be fine. But then there's the other saying that you don't stop loving them; you just learn to live without them. I can't describe why I am scared. The whole idea about time passing and me being okay, no matter how badly I want for me to feel okay even when I see you; it just scares me how things keep changing and changing and changing. 

I just miss you a lot. I wanted forever, but apparently you have to wish harder. I've gone too far to go back but the thing is, I don't even have a choice. The only way is forward.

On a side note, the hectic schedule finally begins and I can feel myself getting more and more breathless. I don't want to lose myself in anything. I feel very isolated nowadays. No matter how hard I try to connect with people and talk to people, I feel connected for that second and then when I wake up, I feel the loss again. And it keeps happening. Is it because this is a bad time? Or is it because it's time for people to start leaving my life and they're taking their turns? 

I can't even share with the world what we had because I'm 'not supposed to'. I can't even live it through again, as and when I want.

While these moments don't define who we are and what's to come, these moments just make me realize how easily I can be tipped over and that I'm not that strong afterall. I want to do better than this. I just have to keep trying and trying and trying.