Some do drugs, others go for a run, but at the end we're all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.
Sunday, June 8, 201412:46 PM
"Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it."
Yesterday my grandmother came over to teach us how to make rice dumplings and so we had those leaves and glutinous rice and everything. So we sat in the kitchen on the floor with raffia strings (we got pissed off at the traditional strings) hanging from a hook hooked to the oven handle (so creative). I guess we all sucked at it because we could never ever ever get a triangle looking rice dumpling other than my grandmother and my mum, so we just laughed at our deformed dumplings. And even though I really cannot appreciate the taste of rice dumplings, I guess there's a sense of happiness and pride when you see your own dumpling emerging from the boiling pot after 3 hours. I tasted it, and it wasn't as good as those sold outside but I guess it's the experience that makes it taste so much better. I googled rice dumplings and apparently it's something that the whole family comes together to help make them and sadly the last time we did it together was years ago when I was still a kid and I didn't even help because it was probably deemed as "too feminine". But I hope years down the road, even if my grandmother is no longer around, we'll still continue doing this. And I hope I master it, because I don't want my kids to laugh at me in the future when I can't do a proper rice dumpling.
I think I need to accept the fact that I probably won't amount to anything.
Years from then and the memory has never once dulled in intensity and yet still shines brighter than the sun at the back of my mind. We've outgrown what we've used to connect, those things have made way for things that are faster and more efficient, yet we don't even talk. It's not because we don't have the time or the ability to, but there's a certain pride or the lack of courage that's stopping us. I'm not sure which one's for you. Perhaps to be seen as too cool to be void of emotions, to show that I was nothing, merely someone that you could just walk by. No, leave and disappear and not even tell. And I, too prideful to show that you've left me living in the shadows of the past, thinking that if I prayed fervently and wished diligently, a miracle would happen somehow.
