Please come back, I am sorry about what happened before.
Sunday, March 9, 20149:34 PM
"I'm doing the best I can..."
Another week has started and THANK GOD IT'S THE LAST WEEK BEFORE MARCH HOLIDAYS. I don't think I can stand school anymore oh my. So really thankful for the break even though I'd be in school most of the time anyway.
Hehe I have a new dress hehe. And I think it's keeping me happy for a while hahahahaha. So I think my only question is how do you actually, I don't know, "enter" into another phase of your life when you start growing up and caring about how you look because I don't know how it started or if it even started because there are days where I actually WANT to look like an ugly duckling and some days where I wonder why am I even an ugly duckling. And yeah I don't know, it's just puzzling. Am I thinking too much into it.
I've finally downloaded an app to help me exercise and lose stomach fat. This is a good start Cheryl. *rewards myself by eating fat food*
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a very selfish person. I know I am and I try my best not to be one but I realise that there are many many many ways to be selfish. It's more than just not sharing your things or being self-centered or doing what only benefits you and stuff like that. I think the greatest flaw in me is that when something is affecting me really badly, no matter how hard I try to conceal it, it just has a way to get to the people around me. And I guess it's just really unfair because they're not me and they're not supposed to feel what I'm feeling. So I'm trying very hard to keep it in or not even let these things bother me. It's hard but I honestly hate to see how I'm being unfair and selfish to everyone else.
Recently, things that have been happening got me thinking quite a bit and it's a good kind of thinking (: Through CT interaction time I guess I kind of just shared a bit about what's happening at home (don't worry - it's nothing much hahahahaha) and I'm not the kind who'd spill anything to whoever's willing to listen but I just felt the need to shed some light on this instead of sitting there like a smiling idiot and wasting everyone's time. And yup, as always my parents' intentions are never bad and I've known it all along. I think the most frustrating thing is that I have zero direction in life and I think I've made/am making lots of people's decisions part of my decision and somehow the lines have blurred so now I'm not too sure what I want and what people want. I guess very few parents would sit around and wait for their 17 year old to start planning (slowly) about her life so they're just doing it for me in case I die of starvation in the future or something. So on a more serious note, I sincerely hope that by the end of this half a year, I can start working towards something I want to pursue in the future because I'm really not a kid anymore (I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF 1000 TIMES A DAY) and it's my life and I need to start taking charge of it.
I think I get very worried when my parents or my sister doesn't appear whenever they're supposed to appear. Or they don't return my calls and stuff like that. I'm not being paranoid or cursing anyone but I'm just always worried something would happen to them. Especially since I've seen them do stuff from day to day that I just need to remind them that they shouldn't.
Okay, that's all (:
xoxo,
me
