"Just want to see you..."

"Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great." I just saw this again. And flashback to a few years back. I think this was the worst thing he ever said. Words hurt more than actions sometimes because I still look at it and wonder what went wrong when I gave my all.

I feel very superficial because my mum said I can't get this dress that I really really really like because it would look ugly on me. Okay. Fine. And it kind of added on to this whole list of why today didn't go well ))):

Had such a hard time waking up this morning because I really wanted to just roll up in my blanket like a sushi roll and not see the sun forever or something. So tired and lazy. I want to be a sloth. School today was pretty alright but we were talking this morning about all the upcoming tests and homework due when we realised that it's only week 5 yet we're dying already. Crystal kind of said that it's pathetic and it's worse than her flappy bird high score. Every week we pass we add one more point. So we're currently at 5 and it's already taking up so much of my energy. 

Kind of promised myself that this shall be a fulfilling year and I can see how I want it to turn out but lately I've been (I'VE BEEN LOSING SLEEP~ DREAMING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WE COULD BE) bobbing up and down like I'm lost out at sea and I'm losing sight of the end goal and it feels so scary because I don't ever want my life to continue like this.

Really can't stand it when people take what's mine.

What's it like to feel disappointed in someone you trusted so much that you feel like everything you've ever known was just a big fat lie? It must hurt a lot. It's like watching people morph into something you've never seen before, and "morph" because they turn into something so ugly. And you pretty much just watch them turn their backs on you because they're too dangerous to touch.

Don't want to live in the past, don't want to linger any longer in this guilt. This is getting very fucked up and very lonely.

xoxo,

me

"Just want to see you..."

"Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great." I just saw this again. And flashback to a few years back. I think this was the worst thing he ever said. Words hurt more than actions sometimes because I still look at it and wonder what went wrong when I gave my all.

I feel very superficial because my mum said I can't get this dress that I really really really like because it would look ugly on me. Okay. Fine. And it kind of added on to this whole list of why today didn't go well ))):

Had such a hard time waking up this morning because I really wanted to just roll up in my blanket like a sushi roll and not see the sun forever or something. So tired and lazy. I want to be a sloth. School today was pretty alright but we were talking this morning about all the upcoming tests and homework due when we realised that it's only week 5 yet we're dying already. Crystal kind of said that it's pathetic and it's worse than her flappy bird high score. Every week we pass we add one more point. So we're currently at 5 and it's already taking up so much of my energy. 

Kind of promised myself that this shall be a fulfilling year and I can see how I want it to turn out but lately I've been (I'VE BEEN LOSING SLEEP~ DREAMING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WE COULD BE) bobbing up and down like I'm lost out at sea and I'm losing sight of the end goal and it feels so scary because I don't ever want my life to continue like this.

Really can't stand it when people take what's mine.

What's it like to feel disappointed in someone you trusted so much that you feel like everything you've ever known was just a big fat lie? It must hurt a lot. It's like watching people morph into something you've never seen before, and "morph" because they turn into something so ugly. And you pretty much just watch them turn their backs on you because they're too dangerous to touch.

Don't want to live in the past, don't want to linger any longer in this guilt. This is getting very fucked up and very lonely.

xoxo,

me