"I'm giving up so just catch me..."

My phone is super screwed, my laptop just restarted itself literally and cleared all my documents, and my printer is just dead beyond repair. Can you feel how painful and difficult it is to keep my cool now?

Was feeling pretty good when I left school because today was kind of a good day and other than it being slacker than most days, there was netball training which was just good good good. It gets better actually. Come to think of it, the first training was probably the most horrible, somehow. Then nowadays the weather is super good for playing netball and running around, and even though the coach was super fierce today, it was still fun I guess (: And yup, I guess it's one of the things that make me feel better after a horrible week at school. 

And school is indeed horrible. But I think coming home...the mood's much more dampening. I honestly thought today was a not-bad day, but then coming home just ruined every thing and I hate this particular feeling where for a moment you actually felt like your life's getting back on track and ready to move on, and you kind of like how and where this is going and you're looking forward to it. But then something someone says or does just ruins everything and you're back to square one and trying to piece your life back together. Do I make sense?

I think I have drifted away from my friends, particularly a few of them. But I really can't think of anything to do. It's like I see them in school right smack in my face but I don't even want to say hi. I guess it can't always be me putting in the effort. Takes two hands to clap. And I guess it just feels fucking stupid to keep wanting to talk to the person and sending them texts but nobody gives a shit and nobody cares and nobody fucking replies. But whatever, I'm really done with this. This is seriously turning into a joke.

Sometimes I honestly wonder how I'm going to die like. If I actually die today would everything in my life be worth it. And when it ends in the far future, would I have already accomplished everything I set out to do? What would my purpose on being on this Earth be? I'm sure I'm not here to take up space or to compete with the rest of the world for oxygen or deplete their water supply. I wonder how everything would work out (hopefully) in the end because I'm really worried now and I badly want/need some direction in my life.

Is it wrong to love?

Anyway, can someone please tell me if I've finally hit the stage where all teenagers' life apparently suck and suck like mad, but this is the turning point where things finally get peaceful and back to normal? Why are things so complicated? I just want to watch clouds go by and watch people on trains. That's all.

Alright, more work to do. Goodbye.

xoxo,

me

"I'm giving up so just catch me..."

My phone is super screwed, my laptop just restarted itself literally and cleared all my documents, and my printer is just dead beyond repair. Can you feel how painful and difficult it is to keep my cool now?

Was feeling pretty good when I left school because today was kind of a good day and other than it being slacker than most days, there was netball training which was just good good good. It gets better actually. Come to think of it, the first training was probably the most horrible, somehow. Then nowadays the weather is super good for playing netball and running around, and even though the coach was super fierce today, it was still fun I guess (: And yup, I guess it's one of the things that make me feel better after a horrible week at school. 

And school is indeed horrible. But I think coming home...the mood's much more dampening. I honestly thought today was a not-bad day, but then coming home just ruined every thing and I hate this particular feeling where for a moment you actually felt like your life's getting back on track and ready to move on, and you kind of like how and where this is going and you're looking forward to it. But then something someone says or does just ruins everything and you're back to square one and trying to piece your life back together. Do I make sense?

I think I have drifted away from my friends, particularly a few of them. But I really can't think of anything to do. It's like I see them in school right smack in my face but I don't even want to say hi. I guess it can't always be me putting in the effort. Takes two hands to clap. And I guess it just feels fucking stupid to keep wanting to talk to the person and sending them texts but nobody gives a shit and nobody cares and nobody fucking replies. But whatever, I'm really done with this. This is seriously turning into a joke.

Sometimes I honestly wonder how I'm going to die like. If I actually die today would everything in my life be worth it. And when it ends in the far future, would I have already accomplished everything I set out to do? What would my purpose on being on this Earth be? I'm sure I'm not here to take up space or to compete with the rest of the world for oxygen or deplete their water supply. I wonder how everything would work out (hopefully) in the end because I'm really worried now and I badly want/need some direction in my life.

Is it wrong to love?

Anyway, can someone please tell me if I've finally hit the stage where all teenagers' life apparently suck and suck like mad, but this is the turning point where things finally get peaceful and back to normal? Why are things so complicated? I just want to watch clouds go by and watch people on trains. That's all.

Alright, more work to do. Goodbye.

xoxo,

me