Don't say I'm better off dead, 'cause Heaven's full and Hell won't have me.
Friday, December 6, 20135:29 PM
"Holding on too tight..."
#nowplaying the entire Midnight Memories album hahahaha. I'm not a fan of 1D but you've got to admit that some of their songs are pretty impressive. I think I like the slower songs of the album. Try Story Of My Life, Something Great, Better Than Words and Through The Dark (:
Met up with Yi Mei at Serangoon today and went to Strangers' Reunion for brunch (: I guess it's pretty well-known if you go about cafe hopping but we took ages trying to look for it because she called herself a road idiot and I think I'm no where better. The food's a little pricey to be honest but the waffles was really good. I was kind of jealous that the table next to us had this whole big bowl of fries which looked super super super good but my stomach couldn't take more. Talked about lots of stuff and it was good to catch up with her because we even though we've been talking a lot of whatsapp ever since September (?) but it feels different. And it feels nice to see someone else other than those that I've been seeing for the entire holiday hahahahaha just kidding. Really miss some parts of primary school, especially the people because I think I'm not very good at staying in touch even though I promised them to. Really need to work on this whole "keep in touch" thing. Tried to do "thrift" shopping but ugh.
My cousin's coming back on Sunday (/ /U/ /)
I don't understand what people like you are doing because you come and go as and when you like and it's stupid because I always think that you're coming back so that we can have a normal conversation. But no, you either ask me for something, or you take your anger out on me and tell me stupid things that have nothing to do with me. And all you ever do is to talk about your life, you, everything that's happening to you and you never bother about what's happening to me. I can't talk to you without feeling like I shouldn't, and that you're really probably not worth my time. You have a whole list of people to talk to, can you please spare me from this and just find someone else?
I really want to eat sushi.
And we keep growing up and going through the motions without truly realising what's happening all around us and not taking home anything from it.
Please:
"It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare say no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that said you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses."
c.r. Tumblr