"What if we lasted forever?"

Just casually slurping down instant noodles (again) and talking to nice people. And damn, I think this is the best bowl of noodles I've ever cooked.

>> Today: Comptrials in the morning again (: The weather was super lovely in the morning because it was raining. It's been donkey years since I've ever did a real case with my team and all I can say is that I miss them like crazy. It's like, we don't even have time to talk together anymore when we used to go home almost everyday together. I guess compteam gives you the best thing ever (your team) for two years and then leave you a gaping hole in your heart after the two years are up and it's really crazy because I just keep thinking about how we'd do a case I've set now, and it just feels like home but with all the wrong members.

>> Yesterday: The only thing I can remember of yesterday was reading this stack of old diaries at night before going to bed and even though it was a bad choice because I went to bed feeling shitty and all, I guess it was amusing and bitter-sweet to read about how I used to think and stuff. Along the way I could see the change and it's ironic how when we were living through the years we didn't seem to notice theses changes. But now that I look back, it's literally screaming in my face that one big mistake turned my life around entirely and nothing I do now can ever bring me back to what I was. Not that I'd want to be, but it was just so so so drastic. 

I saw how my relationship with my parents were getting more and more strained and back then I'd write things about our family outings and family trips, but as I grew up they became less frequent until I never wrote about anything family-related anymore. I guess I always take for granted that they'll always be there and stuff like that, that I never bothered to jot down every memory I have of them and instead filling countless of pages about some guy who destroyed my faith in humanity and about boring school life and stupid things I did/say. (Speaking of family, now as I'm still slurping on my noodles I'm wondering why my mum's noodles will always taste better than mine and this bowl of noodles doesn't taste like anything I'm used to)

And then like all diaries I can't believe I let myself live through all that pain up to a point where I had to close the covers a few times because I felt so sorry for myself. Though I should probably slap myself first because I made the decisions and everything. I just watched the journey of failed relationships with different people tumble into depths of irretrievable states and it was just crazy. And the progress was the most painful even though the ending sucked so bad. Everything I wrote about these people were happy until we just went wrong somewhere and then it all went downhill. Well, the sad thing is that up 'til now I still cannot identify what screwed up along the way that caused everything to fail but all I know is that when it all ended I was just left in despair and I wasn't sure how to move on from there. 

I did move on. I think.

Well, sometimes we tend to always be sensitive not about how others' feel but more of what we're feeling and then we categorize them according to how right they feel. And I guess there were times where I've felt like crap but yesterday got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I did hurt him too. And I regret it because it still stings when he said "thanks for the memories, even though it wasn't that great" and it was crazy because I can still remember how after I've said a ton of mean stuff because I was feeling so much like crap, and he'd come in to the room looking like he just got punched in the gut and how he'd hide behind people just so he didn't have to see me and now I feel like rubbish typing this so I'm going to stop, but all I want to say is: don't hurt anyone at all because it's a double-edged sword and one day it's gonna just drive right through your heart and never stop.

Sometimes we push away the right people, the people who really want to care for us just because of all our unnecessary insecurities. 

Oh yes, and pray for the Philippines.

North Korea executes 80 people publicly for minor offences such as watching South Korean vidoes and owning a Bible, gathering 10,000 innocent citizens to watch the execution, including children. Screw this guy and his insanity. What has this world turned into?

xoxo,

me

"What if we lasted forever?"

Just casually slurping down instant noodles (again) and talking to nice people. And damn, I think this is the best bowl of noodles I've ever cooked.

>> Today: Comptrials in the morning again (: The weather was super lovely in the morning because it was raining. It's been donkey years since I've ever did a real case with my team and all I can say is that I miss them like crazy. It's like, we don't even have time to talk together anymore when we used to go home almost everyday together. I guess compteam gives you the best thing ever (your team) for two years and then leave you a gaping hole in your heart after the two years are up and it's really crazy because I just keep thinking about how we'd do a case I've set now, and it just feels like home but with all the wrong members.

>> Yesterday: The only thing I can remember of yesterday was reading this stack of old diaries at night before going to bed and even though it was a bad choice because I went to bed feeling shitty and all, I guess it was amusing and bitter-sweet to read about how I used to think and stuff. Along the way I could see the change and it's ironic how when we were living through the years we didn't seem to notice theses changes. But now that I look back, it's literally screaming in my face that one big mistake turned my life around entirely and nothing I do now can ever bring me back to what I was. Not that I'd want to be, but it was just so so so drastic. 

I saw how my relationship with my parents were getting more and more strained and back then I'd write things about our family outings and family trips, but as I grew up they became less frequent until I never wrote about anything family-related anymore. I guess I always take for granted that they'll always be there and stuff like that, that I never bothered to jot down every memory I have of them and instead filling countless of pages about some guy who destroyed my faith in humanity and about boring school life and stupid things I did/say. (Speaking of family, now as I'm still slurping on my noodles I'm wondering why my mum's noodles will always taste better than mine and this bowl of noodles doesn't taste like anything I'm used to)

And then like all diaries I can't believe I let myself live through all that pain up to a point where I had to close the covers a few times because I felt so sorry for myself. Though I should probably slap myself first because I made the decisions and everything. I just watched the journey of failed relationships with different people tumble into depths of irretrievable states and it was just crazy. And the progress was the most painful even though the ending sucked so bad. Everything I wrote about these people were happy until we just went wrong somewhere and then it all went downhill. Well, the sad thing is that up 'til now I still cannot identify what screwed up along the way that caused everything to fail but all I know is that when it all ended I was just left in despair and I wasn't sure how to move on from there. 

I did move on. I think.

Well, sometimes we tend to always be sensitive not about how others' feel but more of what we're feeling and then we categorize them according to how right they feel. And I guess there were times where I've felt like crap but yesterday got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I did hurt him too. And I regret it because it still stings when he said "thanks for the memories, even though it wasn't that great" and it was crazy because I can still remember how after I've said a ton of mean stuff because I was feeling so much like crap, and he'd come in to the room looking like he just got punched in the gut and how he'd hide behind people just so he didn't have to see me and now I feel like rubbish typing this so I'm going to stop, but all I want to say is: don't hurt anyone at all because it's a double-edged sword and one day it's gonna just drive right through your heart and never stop.

Sometimes we push away the right people, the people who really want to care for us just because of all our unnecessary insecurities. 

Oh yes, and pray for the Philippines.

North Korea executes 80 people publicly for minor offences such as watching South Korean vidoes and owning a Bible, gathering 10,000 innocent citizens to watch the execution, including children. Screw this guy and his insanity. What has this world turned into?

xoxo,

me