Tea for two: It wasn't until after I poured the second cup that I realised I was alone.
Tuesday, August 13, 201311:54 PM
"I am too much spaces between and you have nothing to offer, but a promise to fill those gaps..."
Today's only Tuesday and I can't believe how tired I'm already feeling. It's madness, really. Taking a four days break from school and everything doesn't do you any good at all to be honest, because there isn't even enough time to do everything you want to do. Actually I had this vision that after common tests, everything would somehow go at a slower pace so that we can all take a rest from running for so long. But how is that even possible? It's only been a while since we've finished common tests and the results aren't back yet but we're already hitting the ground running. It hasn't reached a sprinting phase yet, thankfully. But all I know is that I'm so tired that I don't want to do anything anymore.
>> Yesterday: Can't remember 99% of what happened during the day except that I went to do my Math 2 retest. I shouldn't have went because even though it was just a practice paper, I would still feel upset if I didn't know how to do majority of the questions. I thought that this paper was much more "kinder" already but still, I screwed up so badly, I just literally gave up towards the end and I was calculating how many school bells have rung so that I would know if my two hours was coming to an end or not. Left so many blanks and unfinished questions because I couldn't even see where I was going. And those that I could at least put an answer down were those filled with doubt. Whatever. I knew this would happen because Math just has that effect on me: forever leaving me with zero self-esteem. Oh well. After that went to look for Peiqi and Charlotte and by the time I was done settling my stuff there wasn't time to look at Monday training. Aish. Talked about stuff, and then headed home and got scolded and everything but I shall not elaborate here because a bad yesterday belongs to yesterday and I wouldn't want to bring it forward to the next day.
>> Today: Heavy. Rain. In. The. Morning. For. Fifteen. Minutes. And I didn't even realise it was raining until I got out of the station. Then I realised how bad it was that everyone who didn't have an umbrella couldn't even cross to the temporary bus stop because it was the kind of rain that no one would risk running in D: And so what if you shared an umbrella with someone until the bus stop? There wasn't anywhere to stand so you would practically be like, half in the rain. Thank goodness 158 had lots of space, and when I alighted from 158 there were teachers and school staffs waiting at the bus stop opposite our school and giving out umbrellas O___O Amazed. Was feeling so so so sleepy throughout the day because it was so cold and that feeling..........TT^TT Should have brought a sleeping bag along, that would've been perfect D:
Went for day 1 of ? of electives and someone please slap me for not understanding a single thing the guy was saying (x But it was fun to draw our own aeroplane, though most people were so serious and drew "politically correct" planes :/ Aw man, it's like, lighten up dude, it's e l e c t i v e s and these things aren't even graded :O Lololol. Anyway I drew our two-seater plane as a car with attached angel fluffy wings and a helicopter propeller and stuff 8) And then the rest of it was just pure torture because it was so long and I couldn't understand 99% of the physics terms (other than those that just required common sense but common sense is not common so) and I just felt like sleeping lololol. Was entertaining myself by drawing my dream car/boat/house which had balloons and Meihwa and Charlotte were just helping me colour in my balloons xD Oh well, thank God that it ended relatively on time (: Then stayed in school to finish up some math until 7 when my dad came to pick me up. Tired.
Drinking happy belly at 11:02PM. Legit. No coffee, no tea, no energy perking drinks. Just happy belly. What.
I just really want to get "Looking For Alaska" and "The Moon And More" and then just sit at some coffee place for the entire morning and just read until my perception of reality is just further screwed up and then go back home feeling happy.
I just think that it's easier to convince others that you're okay than explaining how you really feel when you barely even understand it yourself.
And today I just realised how much I just want to go to the zoo and the bird park because I haven't been there for more than 6 years and that's just so sad. Everyone goes to all the new places nowadays to create new memories but everyone's forgetting all the good old places I guess. Not a fan of animals and birds but I just want to go there and be a kid again ):
到现在，我还是不明白你。到现在，我还是不明白自己究竟是在找什么。到现在，我想要的答案都不见踪影，好像快要找到时，我就害怕知道。我怕，我怕。怕我知道不该知道的事、不想知道的事。想问，又害怕答案。这种挣扎...希望尽快消失。
Can someone please tell me why am I not talented at something hahahahaha TT^TT
xoxo,
me (:
“I think it’s time I let you go. And that’s so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it’s not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me doing what I should have done months ago: saying goodbye.”
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