"It's still your heart that lifts me, and your words that can kill me, but still I'd run for miles just to be near you..."

Have you ever squatted under the shower for God knows how long and watch the water disappear into the holes of the drain and to never be seen again, and wishing that all the failure in you would be cleansed from you and washed down along with everything else?

>> Monday: Monday reds oranges yellows greens blues indigos violets ): Surprisingly I passed my Math 2 though I thought that I was going to fail, so that was a good thing I guess. I mean, it's not very very good but I'm glad that at least I made improvement (: #keepgoingyinghuiqi Then went to catch The Conjuring and to be honest, it doesn't feel like I watched something horror yesterday O___O

>> Today: I think the entire day was fine and then it was electives at Republic Poly 8) The bus came an hour late so we were all waiting for the bus at the foyer like retards ): The ride was so long! Hahahaha. The sad part was that because it was something physics-ish, they kept asking technical questions and everything. And please, they are a poly for engineering so why the hell was I there but oh well (x I wish that Physics wasn't so math-ish and dead and everything just follows the same same same same same formula over and over again :O First was going through the mechanics of the plane like all the engines and everything. And the person who took us was this Indian guy whose accent was super super super super thick (?) and I couldn't understand half the things he was saying. He made us sit under the plane to look at the batteries inside the plane and he kept asking me physics questions and I'm just like "FML OMG I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CONVERT DC TO AC OMG" what is that anyway -.- Then after that we went inside the plane and thank God it was some other guy who took us and then we went through the cockpit. And there was this button, I forgot what it was called but basically if the spinning thing (what's it called OTL) catches fire, you can pull the button to put out the fire. And the guy said that it catches fire sometimes because a bird might have flown inside. Ohmygosh, please tell me how I'm supposed to accept that. And then I just had to ask what happens to the bird and he tactfully told me that it definitely dies. OH NO. Why. I didn't have to know that why did you take me seriously and answered my question. I'm so heartbroken now.

The flight stimulating was just...woah. The guy was so funny and he had really pretty blue eyes (: Finally able to see someone who is r e a l and has such beautiful blue eyes :D And he kept making fun of us because he said that Singaporeans like to answer with one word answers and we should learn how to speak in full sentences! (x Okay, I agree (x And then we just kind of went to this "cockpit" and there was scenery around and you got to press around and stuff according to his instructions to see how your plane was going (: And he made us stretch our arms and be like a plane! Aww (: I think he was the nicest guy ever during the entire stay though he always got a little annoyed when we couldn't see obvious things :B Yay (: Ended off with being in this room with this huge panel which we got to see the air traffic and ground traffic and be in control of such stuff. I think we were just there to listen and say "wow" at the cool stuff and then it was time to go (: Hehe, good day (: 

谁还记得  是谁先说  永远的爱我

以前的一句话  是我们以后的伤口

Today I wrote this essay and even though I would probably fail it because I think I wrote out of point, I felt like I wrote something that was honest and close to my heart. I think there are times when we just want people to know and though it's less than creative to put all these things into an assignment, it's the only way we can bring out all these feelings and disguise them into something that is unfeeling and 'just a moment' kind of thing. Anyway, what I really really really meant in my essay was that I'm tired of being who I'm not. And I wish that people would see that I'm trying so hard to go back to what I was because it's difficult to live like this. The funny or horrific thing is that no matter how hard I try, this facade will forever stay as a part of me because it has been far too long. It has been "me" for far too long. I can't kick it off and say I don't want it anymore. I can't even shed this skin because it's latched on so tight. I tried so hard 7 years ago and now it wouldn't go away. Now after so long, I don't see the need for this anymore but I can't get away from it. I need others to understand that I can't stand up for so long like how I forced myself to and it's taking a toll on me.

I need people around me all the time not because I don't want to be alone but because I don't want to fall into a phase where I feel so bad about myself and I don't think about it when they're all around me.

选择离开是因为你太完美，而我没资格把你留下。

If I told you I wanted a hundred balloons, would you go through the trouble just to bring them for me.

Alright, nothing else (: Just looking for a good day in the future (:

xoxo,

me

"It's still your heart that lifts me, and your words that can kill me, but still I'd run for miles just to be near you..."

Have you ever squatted under the shower for God knows how long and watch the water disappear into the holes of the drain and to never be seen again, and wishing that all the failure in you would be cleansed from you and washed down along with everything else?

>> Monday: Monday reds oranges yellows greens blues indigos violets ): Surprisingly I passed my Math 2 though I thought that I was going to fail, so that was a good thing I guess. I mean, it's not very very good but I'm glad that at least I made improvement (: #keepgoingyinghuiqi Then went to catch The Conjuring and to be honest, it doesn't feel like I watched something horror yesterday O___O

>> Today: I think the entire day was fine and then it was electives at Republic Poly 8) The bus came an hour late so we were all waiting for the bus at the foyer like retards ): The ride was so long! Hahahaha. The sad part was that because it was something physics-ish, they kept asking technical questions and everything. And please, they are a poly for engineering so why the hell was I there but oh well (x I wish that Physics wasn't so math-ish and dead and everything just follows the same same same same same formula over and over again :O First was going through the mechanics of the plane like all the engines and everything. And the person who took us was this Indian guy whose accent was super super super super thick (?) and I couldn't understand half the things he was saying. He made us sit under the plane to look at the batteries inside the plane and he kept asking me physics questions and I'm just like "FML OMG I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CONVERT DC TO AC OMG" what is that anyway -.- Then after that we went inside the plane and thank God it was some other guy who took us and then we went through the cockpit. And there was this button, I forgot what it was called but basically if the spinning thing (what's it called OTL) catches fire, you can pull the button to put out the fire. And the guy said that it catches fire sometimes because a bird might have flown inside. Ohmygosh, please tell me how I'm supposed to accept that. And then I just had to ask what happens to the bird and he tactfully told me that it definitely dies. OH NO. Why. I didn't have to know that why did you take me seriously and answered my question. I'm so heartbroken now.

The flight stimulating was just...woah. The guy was so funny and he had really pretty blue eyes (: Finally able to see someone who is r e a l and has such beautiful blue eyes :D And he kept making fun of us because he said that Singaporeans like to answer with one word answers and we should learn how to speak in full sentences! (x Okay, I agree (x And then we just kind of went to this "cockpit" and there was scenery around and you got to press around and stuff according to his instructions to see how your plane was going (: And he made us stretch our arms and be like a plane! Aww (: I think he was the nicest guy ever during the entire stay though he always got a little annoyed when we couldn't see obvious things :B Yay (: Ended off with being in this room with this huge panel which we got to see the air traffic and ground traffic and be in control of such stuff. I think we were just there to listen and say "wow" at the cool stuff and then it was time to go (: Hehe, good day (: 

谁还记得  是谁先说  永远的爱我

以前的一句话  是我们以后的伤口

Today I wrote this essay and even though I would probably fail it because I think I wrote out of point, I felt like I wrote something that was honest and close to my heart. I think there are times when we just want people to know and though it's less than creative to put all these things into an assignment, it's the only way we can bring out all these feelings and disguise them into something that is unfeeling and 'just a moment' kind of thing. Anyway, what I really really really meant in my essay was that I'm tired of being who I'm not. And I wish that people would see that I'm trying so hard to go back to what I was because it's difficult to live like this. The funny or horrific thing is that no matter how hard I try, this facade will forever stay as a part of me because it has been far too long. It has been "me" for far too long. I can't kick it off and say I don't want it anymore. I can't even shed this skin because it's latched on so tight. I tried so hard 7 years ago and now it wouldn't go away. Now after so long, I don't see the need for this anymore but I can't get away from it. I need others to understand that I can't stand up for so long like how I forced myself to and it's taking a toll on me.

I need people around me all the time not because I don't want to be alone but because I don't want to fall into a phase where I feel so bad about myself and I don't think about it when they're all around me.

选择离开是因为你太完美，而我没资格把你留下。

If I told you I wanted a hundred balloons, would you go through the trouble just to bring them for me.

Alright, nothing else (: Just looking for a good day in the future (:

xoxo,

me