"She felt like the forgotten dust-covered book that had once been his favourite"

To be honest, I don't know why I'm letting a lot of stupid things take over my brain now when all I should be doing is studying the time away. Like, really, common tests in a week's time and here I am being absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes I just anger myself so much. Why do I even have to be like this. It's a waste of time and a drainage of my feelings. 

I think my perception of reality is so screwed up. I think it leaves me broken when I don't see what I hope happens happening. And who else can I blame but myself because all these things I'm believing in aren't even real. I don't even know how I'm going to survive in this heartless world because I hope for the best in everyone but it doesn't seem to go like that. No one in this world is going to realize that you actually mean the world to them, and then come running back to you, appearing at your doorstep at 3 in the morning and asking you to take them back. No one in this world is going to defend you in front of everyone just to save your cheeks from flaming. No one in this world is going to sit beside you late at night just to make sure you're okay. No one in this world is going to appear in school one day with a bunch of helium balloons just because you weren't feeling good about yourself the previous day. No one in this world is going to make you their world because they're all too caught up in their daily lives that they barely notice that you might be watching from the sidelines and waiting for them to realize that you've been there all along. No one in this world is going to give up all the pretty and perfect girls for you because as much as the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", you know you're not beautiful so you can only take a back seat. Is that just the way your lives are going to be like?

Every single day, I question my existence on this earth. When I was younger I believed I could do greater things. I still believe that I'm put on this earth for a reason but whatever reason that may be, it isn't showing up to me any moment and my hope in myself is dwindling. I mean, look at me. I can't believe the number of people who are going to raise their hands when they're asked if it was actually a joy to have me in their lives. All I can think about are the people I keep disappointing, the people whom I've hurt and all that registers in my head is that I'd probably be a disappointment all my life because I can never get anything right.

Nobody needs someone like me.

I feel so so so tired. I keep falling asleep everywhere nowadays but no matter how much that happens, I never feel rested. It's almost as if running against time every single day has taken its toll on me in physical sense that I can feel its effects. What am I doing?

And on a sidenote, I can't even bring myself to call them my team anymore, because they are not. And here I am, just going to sit here, until I decide that it's bad enough for me to give another flying fuck.

That's all.

it'sjustme.

"She felt like the forgotten dust-covered book that had once been his favourite"

To be honest, I don't know why I'm letting a lot of stupid things take over my brain now when all I should be doing is studying the time away. Like, really, common tests in a week's time and here I am being absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes I just anger myself so much. Why do I even have to be like this. It's a waste of time and a drainage of my feelings. 

I think my perception of reality is so screwed up. I think it leaves me broken when I don't see what I hope happens happening. And who else can I blame but myself because all these things I'm believing in aren't even real. I don't even know how I'm going to survive in this heartless world because I hope for the best in everyone but it doesn't seem to go like that. No one in this world is going to realize that you actually mean the world to them, and then come running back to you, appearing at your doorstep at 3 in the morning and asking you to take them back. No one in this world is going to defend you in front of everyone just to save your cheeks from flaming. No one in this world is going to sit beside you late at night just to make sure you're okay. No one in this world is going to appear in school one day with a bunch of helium balloons just because you weren't feeling good about yourself the previous day. No one in this world is going to make you their world because they're all too caught up in their daily lives that they barely notice that you might be watching from the sidelines and waiting for them to realize that you've been there all along. No one in this world is going to give up all the pretty and perfect girls for you because as much as the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", you know you're not beautiful so you can only take a back seat. Is that just the way your lives are going to be like?

Every single day, I question my existence on this earth. When I was younger I believed I could do greater things. I still believe that I'm put on this earth for a reason but whatever reason that may be, it isn't showing up to me any moment and my hope in myself is dwindling. I mean, look at me. I can't believe the number of people who are going to raise their hands when they're asked if it was actually a joy to have me in their lives. All I can think about are the people I keep disappointing, the people whom I've hurt and all that registers in my head is that I'd probably be a disappointment all my life because I can never get anything right.

Nobody needs someone like me.

I feel so so so tired. I keep falling asleep everywhere nowadays but no matter how much that happens, I never feel rested. It's almost as if running against time every single day has taken its toll on me in physical sense that I can feel its effects. What am I doing?

And on a sidenote, I can't even bring myself to call them my team anymore, because they are not. And here I am, just going to sit here, until I decide that it's bad enough for me to give another flying fuck.

That's all.

it'sjustme.