"I just don't want to say goodbye..."

Today was rather uneventful I guess...? Hahaha, but that doesn't mean it wasn't great (: Started off the day with breakfast at Subway with my sister and my mum to try their breakfast and even though it was really tiny, it was still satisfying :DD Then headed to school to look for AA and 3 out of 5 of NA and Keven (x Throughout the whole day, Kimbum was having a stiff neck xDD And he couldn't move his head properly *__* Had lunch at Macs and then went to Hougang to collect my book ^^

Finished homemade sushi dinner with my mum, my sister, my cousin, my uncle and auntie haha, and it was really really epic. Just sat around the table and talked about really old times xD And it's been long since we had homemade sushi because no one had time for one TT^TT 

I haven't been quite normal (yet) since forever but I just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green in one sitting and I'm kind of affected by it. Not in a bad way, but in a not so pleasant way for myself too. Anyway, this counts for a June holiday reading project, and I've been keen to get the book too, so it's actually a double kill I guess. And for those who haven't gotten it, I must say that this book has something to it. Read at your own risk too, especially if you have friends or family unwell to the point of the characters in the book. This book, it isn't very awesome, and I've read others that are better in my opinion. It's famous for all the quotations and stuff inside which are actually really applicable to everyone, no matter who you are and what you are going through. But the best part is that after you read a book like that, it leaves you an aftertaste of wonder, and it leaves you thinking. Because you can relate it to your own life, and that's the best part. You don't grow detached from it once you close the cover, but it's going to shape what you're going to think for the next few hours or even days, and soon before you even realise it, it's going to change the way you see things.

Honestly, who isn't afraid of dying? I mean, everyone definitely has something nagging at them at the back of their mind about something left unsaid or undone, or people that they can't leave behind. Of course, there are the more common thoughts: where would I go after I die, what's it gonna be like on the other side of the world, who am I going to see when I die etc etc etc etc. I'm not meaning to be morbid but I'm just sharing my fears because I think about these from time to time. Afterall, life is just that fragile. Sometimes I feel like a fearless bastard and these things don't worry me but I guess today I'm a coward and yep.

I think the only thing that struck me throughout the entire book was when Hazel knew she would have to die one day and that would bring a lot of pain and suffering to Augustus, as well as her family. And she didn't want to be in a relationship with someone "healthy" like Augustus, because what would happen to him when she wasn't around anymore? And she called herself a "grenade" because she could explode any time and injure all the people around her. I think it hurts like mad to know that you're causing so much pain to the people whom you truly care about. And the worst part is that you're probably hurting yourself too but you have to act like you're okay because you don't want to affect the people around you too. 

Which brings me back to the point that we don't treasure the people around us enough, that so often we're left with "oh I should have done this" and "oh I should have said this" and so many things. And so often, because we know/think we have a lifetime, we hide so many things and in the process of deceiving others, we deceive ourselves as well. When will we ever learn to treasure ourselves and let ourselves face what we're really feeling? We try to keep so much to ourselves, be it involving anyone else or not, that we make our whole lives just about doing selective showing - what we want to be seen as and heard as. This is insane and it's mortifying that that's just life.

Shine no matter where you are.

Alright, I think that's all my thoughts. I still have a lot more, but I always can't bring myself to overwhelm readers with them because they're far too crazy and messed-up and big in number that it scares even me, much less you guys. GOODBYE~

xoxo,

me ;)

P.S. I think I'm going to start on a bucket list, one that's actually achievable within this lifetime ((: 

"I just don't want to say goodbye..."

Today was rather uneventful I guess...? Hahaha, but that doesn't mean it wasn't great (: Started off the day with breakfast at Subway with my sister and my mum to try their breakfast and even though it was really tiny, it was still satisfying :DD Then headed to school to look for AA and 3 out of 5 of NA and Keven (x Throughout the whole day, Kimbum was having a stiff neck xDD And he couldn't move his head properly *__* Had lunch at Macs and then went to Hougang to collect my book ^^

Finished homemade sushi dinner with my mum, my sister, my cousin, my uncle and auntie haha, and it was really really epic. Just sat around the table and talked about really old times xD And it's been long since we had homemade sushi because no one had time for one TT^TT 

I haven't been quite normal (yet) since forever but I just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green in one sitting and I'm kind of affected by it. Not in a bad way, but in a not so pleasant way for myself too. Anyway, this counts for a June holiday reading project, and I've been keen to get the book too, so it's actually a double kill I guess. And for those who haven't gotten it, I must say that this book has something to it. Read at your own risk too, especially if you have friends or family unwell to the point of the characters in the book. This book, it isn't very awesome, and I've read others that are better in my opinion. It's famous for all the quotations and stuff inside which are actually really applicable to everyone, no matter who you are and what you are going through. But the best part is that after you read a book like that, it leaves you an aftertaste of wonder, and it leaves you thinking. Because you can relate it to your own life, and that's the best part. You don't grow detached from it once you close the cover, but it's going to shape what you're going to think for the next few hours or even days, and soon before you even realise it, it's going to change the way you see things.

Honestly, who isn't afraid of dying? I mean, everyone definitely has something nagging at them at the back of their mind about something left unsaid or undone, or people that they can't leave behind. Of course, there are the more common thoughts: where would I go after I die, what's it gonna be like on the other side of the world, who am I going to see when I die etc etc etc etc. I'm not meaning to be morbid but I'm just sharing my fears because I think about these from time to time. Afterall, life is just that fragile. Sometimes I feel like a fearless bastard and these things don't worry me but I guess today I'm a coward and yep.

I think the only thing that struck me throughout the entire book was when Hazel knew she would have to die one day and that would bring a lot of pain and suffering to Augustus, as well as her family. And she didn't want to be in a relationship with someone "healthy" like Augustus, because what would happen to him when she wasn't around anymore? And she called herself a "grenade" because she could explode any time and injure all the people around her. I think it hurts like mad to know that you're causing so much pain to the people whom you truly care about. And the worst part is that you're probably hurting yourself too but you have to act like you're okay because you don't want to affect the people around you too. 

Which brings me back to the point that we don't treasure the people around us enough, that so often we're left with "oh I should have done this" and "oh I should have said this" and so many things. And so often, because we know/think we have a lifetime, we hide so many things and in the process of deceiving others, we deceive ourselves as well. When will we ever learn to treasure ourselves and let ourselves face what we're really feeling? We try to keep so much to ourselves, be it involving anyone else or not, that we make our whole lives just about doing selective showing - what we want to be seen as and heard as. This is insane and it's mortifying that that's just life.

Shine no matter where you are.

Alright, I think that's all my thoughts. I still have a lot more, but I always can't bring myself to overwhelm readers with them because they're far too crazy and messed-up and big in number that it scares even me, much less you guys. GOODBYE~

xoxo,

me ;)

P.S. I think I'm going to start on a bucket list, one that's actually achievable within this lifetime ((: