"Deliver us..."

This June holiday is really the most screwed of all. I'm serious. I mean, I know time is always running out and that we have to make the most out of our time and stuff like that, but this is really bad and I don't know how to feel about it. Doesn't it feel like throughout your entire life, we just keep racing against time, trying to think of ways to outsmart time and make 24 hours seem more than it actually is? Then we measure time and we set deadlines and everything just to make sure we're productive and not wasting time. It's so tiring, don't you think so? When was the last time you just lazed around and did something you actually enjoyed, without worrying that you'd be late for something after that and having this nagging feeling that you've something undone?

My holiday is revolved around a few things: comptrains, tuition, finishing up holiday homework (which is truly a pain in the ass), worrying about how to study for common test 2. I'm not saying that I don't look forward to comptrains. It's just that they're really taking up a lot of time and that it's very stressful because Nat Comp is just next month and the fact that this is going to be our first and last time going to Nat Comp, it makes me want to make it a memorable and fruitful one, and that just adds to the stress level. And then with all the academic related "burdens", because my results are so bad that everyone just decides I need more tuition when all I need is a frigging break probably. And making me go for all these classes against my will, I don't know, it just makes me abhor the subject more and more and more that I really don't mind hijacking mediacorp and announcing to the entire country that I BLOODY HATE MATH. And of course, who doesn't want to do better? I want my results to get better during common test 2 and I'm not just saying it because I'm starting to do my revision. But the constant fear that history will repeat itself (since it's been a trend for the past 3.5 years) makes me just want to give up. I know I can't but I mean, really, zero improvement since day one. It's like I've been stuck on the same grid of life for too long that I've gotten used to it. 

What happened to spending time for myself? I know people are going to think "oh wow your grades suck so bad and you're still thinking about spending time on yourself?" and HELL YES, because I'm a big believer of thinking and reflecting and spending time with your own mind and heart. Now, the only time I spend doing something like that is when I blog. I try my best to blog everyday not because I want people to read what I've done for the day or what I've been feeling, but because I WANT TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM so that tomorrow I can start on a fresh clean page. That's the reason for spending time on yourself, no? 

I'm going overseas, and for the first time since I started being an annoying teenage kid with a mind of her own, I'm looking forward to it. Not so much when I first knew I was going because I felt like I had so many things to do and I can't just dump them back here in Singapore. But now, you can't imagine how glad I am to have a getaway. I need one badly I think.

Just a theory. Why do people tend to talk to people whom they're not as close to, rather than people like family and friends and stuff. Well, people say that it's because when they have problems they don't want to worry someone they care about and stuff like that but I beg to differ. I mean, it's natural for them to worry. Even when nothing happens to you they're still worrying about you. My personal take on this is that I don't exactly like one person to know about something and then in order to give me an answer or to help me, they discuss it with someone else. I mean, if I wanted more brains to help me solve my problems I would have called a bunch you people together and held a conference but no, there's a reason why I chose to talk to one person about it. And I guess that's the way I handle people as well. Most of the time, if the problem is okay enough for me to handle I try to keep it within myself because I assume you wouldn't like the whole world to know about it yeah. Actually, did you ever wonder why they made help lines for teenagers? Half of it is because they don't have anyone to turn to and they need someone who cares to listen to them. Another half is probably because they don't want to talk to anyone they know. 

Alright, I'm not gonna bore you with my rant because I think I'm a very boring person and that I should just shut up about some things because they probably don't make sense to some people anyway. GOODBYE (:

xoxo,

me

P.S. I want to have a nice room next time with lots of fairy lights and it's by the window and stuff like that. As in, I love my room but I have something better in mind (((((:

"Deliver us..."

This June holiday is really the most screwed of all. I'm serious. I mean, I know time is always running out and that we have to make the most out of our time and stuff like that, but this is really bad and I don't know how to feel about it. Doesn't it feel like throughout your entire life, we just keep racing against time, trying to think of ways to outsmart time and make 24 hours seem more than it actually is? Then we measure time and we set deadlines and everything just to make sure we're productive and not wasting time. It's so tiring, don't you think so? When was the last time you just lazed around and did something you actually enjoyed, without worrying that you'd be late for something after that and having this nagging feeling that you've something undone?

My holiday is revolved around a few things: comptrains, tuition, finishing up holiday homework (which is truly a pain in the ass), worrying about how to study for common test 2. I'm not saying that I don't look forward to comptrains. It's just that they're really taking up a lot of time and that it's very stressful because Nat Comp is just next month and the fact that this is going to be our first and last time going to Nat Comp, it makes me want to make it a memorable and fruitful one, and that just adds to the stress level. And then with all the academic related "burdens", because my results are so bad that everyone just decides I need more tuition when all I need is a frigging break probably. And making me go for all these classes against my will, I don't know, it just makes me abhor the subject more and more and more that I really don't mind hijacking mediacorp and announcing to the entire country that I BLOODY HATE MATH. And of course, who doesn't want to do better? I want my results to get better during common test 2 and I'm not just saying it because I'm starting to do my revision. But the constant fear that history will repeat itself (since it's been a trend for the past 3.5 years) makes me just want to give up. I know I can't but I mean, really, zero improvement since day one. It's like I've been stuck on the same grid of life for too long that I've gotten used to it. 

What happened to spending time for myself? I know people are going to think "oh wow your grades suck so bad and you're still thinking about spending time on yourself?" and HELL YES, because I'm a big believer of thinking and reflecting and spending time with your own mind and heart. Now, the only time I spend doing something like that is when I blog. I try my best to blog everyday not because I want people to read what I've done for the day or what I've been feeling, but because I WANT TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM so that tomorrow I can start on a fresh clean page. That's the reason for spending time on yourself, no? 

I'm going overseas, and for the first time since I started being an annoying teenage kid with a mind of her own, I'm looking forward to it. Not so much when I first knew I was going because I felt like I had so many things to do and I can't just dump them back here in Singapore. But now, you can't imagine how glad I am to have a getaway. I need one badly I think.

Just a theory. Why do people tend to talk to people whom they're not as close to, rather than people like family and friends and stuff. Well, people say that it's because when they have problems they don't want to worry someone they care about and stuff like that but I beg to differ. I mean, it's natural for them to worry. Even when nothing happens to you they're still worrying about you. My personal take on this is that I don't exactly like one person to know about something and then in order to give me an answer or to help me, they discuss it with someone else. I mean, if I wanted more brains to help me solve my problems I would have called a bunch you people together and held a conference but no, there's a reason why I chose to talk to one person about it. And I guess that's the way I handle people as well. Most of the time, if the problem is okay enough for me to handle I try to keep it within myself because I assume you wouldn't like the whole world to know about it yeah. Actually, did you ever wonder why they made help lines for teenagers? Half of it is because they don't have anyone to turn to and they need someone who cares to listen to them. Another half is probably because they don't want to talk to anyone they know. 

Alright, I'm not gonna bore you with my rant because I think I'm a very boring person and that I should just shut up about some things because they probably don't make sense to some people anyway. GOODBYE (:

xoxo,

me

P.S. I want to have a nice room next time with lots of fairy lights and it's by the window and stuff like that. As in, I love my room but I have something better in mind (((((: