"You don't actually need labels in relationships, what you need is consistency. You just need to know they're not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently."

To begin on a lighter note, I've always read the standard twos' tweets and everything since they appear on my timeline and the only thing I want to say is that: how can you only just like one of them when they're all so funny and...y'know (trying to refrain from any intimate adjectives because they're awkward) hahaha. Like honestly. 

And to get to my real point of even starting a new post, but before that, just a disclaimer: read at your own risk, if you're really not a fan of my rants and "logic" then please go away and never come back because in any case, I don't really care how many pageviews I get lol. 

I wanted to go and have an early night today but I think it's impossible now because I have a couple of things on my mind. And anyway I promised myself to go and read up on a few conditions on the internet for home nursing tomorrow (in a few hours actually) so yep. 

(I just deleted an entire paragraph because I felt that I've cooled down and there's no need for a paragraph of such crude words) // I really wish that I'm not tied down with responsibilities and promises. Here's the catch: when I promise you something, I try with all my might/strength/effort/being/etc to just fulfill it and to never fail you. But now, things are getting hard. Let me attach a photo of a Venn diagram that I made for you to understand: 

If this Venn diagram is so bad that you can't understand, I'm really sorry. Anyway, what I'm trying to imply here is that, what do I do when people's expectations of me and my feelings are intertwined with the promises I made to people? And it gets to a point where it's so bad because sometimes I just get stuck in the middle or at the intersection point. Let's say now I give you the liberty to choose, to choose which side would you like to be on. Would you decide to be in the intersection and continue fulfilling your promises made to others? Or would you jump and try to live up to everyone's expectations, just follow what they want you to do and be? Or would you stay with your own feelings and do what you think you deserve from yourself? As I've said a long time ago, I want to be honest with myself and I do evaluate my own feelings a lot. I'm not trying to sound big and almighty or anything, but sometimes when I try my best to fulfill a promise, I find myself neglecting my feelings a lot. And to be honest, it sucks. It sucks to know that because you care more about someone else's feelings that you start to shortchange yourself on so many things. If you're reading this, I hope you know who you are and what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that I'm giving up on you. Or anything you stand for. I'm just saying that I'm tired and that I have feelings too, so would you be ever so kind and not think that I'm a nice person because I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm not strong enough for you. I can't live on and on like this even if it's for a while because it's so tiring. I'm still here, but I can't do it when my heart's barely there.

There's this certain person in my life and I think I've made a big big big big mistake in letting this person into my life because this person is a bad person, and no one likes having bad people in their lives.

The phrase "time heals all wounds" or "time can heal almost anything" and anything related to forgetting or feeling better as time goes by, I think it's not very true. It's not entirely wrong, but technically, it isn't because time is some medicine or bandage or magic that makes everything okay. As time goes by, we become busier and our memory just increases in size. More things are being added to it, there are now more stuff to remember and busy our brains with. And it's because of these things that we start to tuck bad memories at the back of our brains. It's not gone; they've just gone hiding. But similarly, just like they've gone hiding, they can be found with just a snap of your fingers. You just need one thing, one moment, one person; and everything just comes flooding back. It's been long since he left, since he decided to just walk out of my life. For those who think I'm referring to someone else, no I'm telling you I'm not. It's just that there's this person who used to be able to make me feel so safe and protected, that when he's gone, I don't even know where I am. There used to be this person, I didn't know him very well, but he just had a way to make everything feel better. There used to be this person, whom I trusted with my entire life, that I knew that if I were dying he'd be the first one I'd call. There used to be this person, I ran to him whenever I needed help, and he could make me forget why I even needed him in the first place. Sounds too good to be true, I question myself sometimes if it really did happen. It's been so so so so so long, but it still gets to me every time. Why he walked out of my life, and acted like I didn't exist at all. I never found anyone that could take his place, not that I want to. Nothing beats having the real thing right in front of you. I don't think I will ever forget, because it made me who I am today. No one forgets what turned their lives around, certainly not a story like this. 

Nothing's going right, and I don't think it will for the time being. Trying not to dwell on it because worrying excessively is bad for the mental health (x Alright, shall go and start on home nursing ((: Jiayou NA! Nat comp is coming and we're gonna need all the luck we can get * U * Fighting!!

xoxo,

me. (:

"You don't actually need labels in relationships, what you need is consistency. You just need to know they're not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently."

To begin on a lighter note, I've always read the standard twos' tweets and everything since they appear on my timeline and the only thing I want to say is that: how can you only just like one of them when they're all so funny and...y'know (trying to refrain from any intimate adjectives because they're awkward) hahaha. Like honestly. 

And to get to my real point of even starting a new post, but before that, just a disclaimer: read at your own risk, if you're really not a fan of my rants and "logic" then please go away and never come back because in any case, I don't really care how many pageviews I get lol. 

I wanted to go and have an early night today but I think it's impossible now because I have a couple of things on my mind. And anyway I promised myself to go and read up on a few conditions on the internet for home nursing tomorrow (in a few hours actually) so yep. 

(I just deleted an entire paragraph because I felt that I've cooled down and there's no need for a paragraph of such crude words) // I really wish that I'm not tied down with responsibilities and promises. Here's the catch: when I promise you something, I try with all my might/strength/effort/being/etc to just fulfill it and to never fail you. But now, things are getting hard. Let me attach a photo of a Venn diagram that I made for you to understand: 

If this Venn diagram is so bad that you can't understand, I'm really sorry. Anyway, what I'm trying to imply here is that, what do I do when people's expectations of me and my feelings are intertwined with the promises I made to people? And it gets to a point where it's so bad because sometimes I just get stuck in the middle or at the intersection point. Let's say now I give you the liberty to choose, to choose which side would you like to be on. Would you decide to be in the intersection and continue fulfilling your promises made to others? Or would you jump and try to live up to everyone's expectations, just follow what they want you to do and be? Or would you stay with your own feelings and do what you think you deserve from yourself? As I've said a long time ago, I want to be honest with myself and I do evaluate my own feelings a lot. I'm not trying to sound big and almighty or anything, but sometimes when I try my best to fulfill a promise, I find myself neglecting my feelings a lot. And to be honest, it sucks. It sucks to know that because you care more about someone else's feelings that you start to shortchange yourself on so many things. If you're reading this, I hope you know who you are and what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that I'm giving up on you. Or anything you stand for. I'm just saying that I'm tired and that I have feelings too, so would you be ever so kind and not think that I'm a nice person because I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm not strong enough for you. I can't live on and on like this even if it's for a while because it's so tiring. I'm still here, but I can't do it when my heart's barely there.

There's this certain person in my life and I think I've made a big big big big mistake in letting this person into my life because this person is a bad person, and no one likes having bad people in their lives.

The phrase "time heals all wounds" or "time can heal almost anything" and anything related to forgetting or feeling better as time goes by, I think it's not very true. It's not entirely wrong, but technically, it isn't because time is some medicine or bandage or magic that makes everything okay. As time goes by, we become busier and our memory just increases in size. More things are being added to it, there are now more stuff to remember and busy our brains with. And it's because of these things that we start to tuck bad memories at the back of our brains. It's not gone; they've just gone hiding. But similarly, just like they've gone hiding, they can be found with just a snap of your fingers. You just need one thing, one moment, one person; and everything just comes flooding back. It's been long since he left, since he decided to just walk out of my life. For those who think I'm referring to someone else, no I'm telling you I'm not. It's just that there's this person who used to be able to make me feel so safe and protected, that when he's gone, I don't even know where I am. There used to be this person, I didn't know him very well, but he just had a way to make everything feel better. There used to be this person, whom I trusted with my entire life, that I knew that if I were dying he'd be the first one I'd call. There used to be this person, I ran to him whenever I needed help, and he could make me forget why I even needed him in the first place. Sounds too good to be true, I question myself sometimes if it really did happen. It's been so so so so so long, but it still gets to me every time. Why he walked out of my life, and acted like I didn't exist at all. I never found anyone that could take his place, not that I want to. Nothing beats having the real thing right in front of you. I don't think I will ever forget, because it made me who I am today. No one forgets what turned their lives around, certainly not a story like this. 

Nothing's going right, and I don't think it will for the time being. Trying not to dwell on it because worrying excessively is bad for the mental health (x Alright, shall go and start on home nursing ((: Jiayou NA! Nat comp is coming and we're gonna need all the luck we can get * U * Fighting!!

xoxo,

me. (: