"Oh what a shame..."

Lately, 

I don't know why,

But it isn't people's judgement that are getting to me.

I think it's more of myself,

And how I never live up to my own expectations.

Am I good enough?

Lately,

It's just me trying to work things out.
Not with anyone, but just with myself.

Because I know it's not good that I'm hard on myself,

But what else can I do when all that has been done 

Needs to just be undone?

Lately,

I'm counting the scales

And measuring everything measurable.

I don't know what I'm afraid of,

Maybe just that one day I'll eat one too many calories

And then become something I never want to be.

Lately,

I look in mirrors,

Or maybe even try to avoid them.

Because maybe I don't want to see whatever I've become,

And how others would see me as,

And I'm trying to keep those shallow thoughts of mine at bay.

Lately,

It's just me lying in bed and wondering where this life would bring me.

No, I'm not trying to be anything,

It's just me wondering what will happen to me.

Where would all these insecurities lead me to?

Where would I bring myself to?

Feeling extremely annoyed and irritated with myself right now and I don't think it's a very awesome feeling. It's not new, but it's getting very common and I'm afraid there's really something wrong with me. I'm trying very hard to be honest with myself these few days because like I said before, I don't want to regret anything. But old habits die hard, and I run away from things I don't want to face. Maybe even shun them even when they're right in front of me. It's bad and useless; I know it. It's just that some unknown reason to me is bothering me so much that I never know what's wrong. And being with people...I don't know, I can't put up with some things any longer. It's almost a reflex; people asking what's wrong and it's a reflex to just brush it away and what I always say, "nah, it doesn't really matter". But no, to be honest, and I'm telling myself, I don't care what anybody thinks, but no, it does matter. It does matter so much that's why I'm even mentioning it somewhere or it's even existing in my brain. It's like I want to talk about it but I feel ashamed to. And I don't know what's wrong.

Anyway, to cut this stupid rant, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers out there! I'm sure all the kids in the world appreciate what you guys are doing (: We might not say much but honestly, we just thank God that you're put into our lives (: To my mum: happy mother's day (: I wrote you a card this year so you can't nag at me about it anymore hurhurhur. And yepp, I'll try my best to be a better kid ;) No promises, but at least I'll try.

Goodnight (: May all of you recover from the OBS craze and get back for school *groans*

xoxo,

me ((:

"Oh what a shame..."

Lately, 

I don't know why,

But it isn't people's judgement that are getting to me.

I think it's more of myself,

And how I never live up to my own expectations.

Am I good enough?

Lately,

It's just me trying to work things out.
Not with anyone, but just with myself.

Because I know it's not good that I'm hard on myself,

But what else can I do when all that has been done 

Needs to just be undone?

Lately,

I'm counting the scales

And measuring everything measurable.

I don't know what I'm afraid of,

Maybe just that one day I'll eat one too many calories

And then become something I never want to be.

Lately,

I look in mirrors,

Or maybe even try to avoid them.

Because maybe I don't want to see whatever I've become,

And how others would see me as,

And I'm trying to keep those shallow thoughts of mine at bay.

Lately,

It's just me lying in bed and wondering where this life would bring me.

No, I'm not trying to be anything,

It's just me wondering what will happen to me.

Where would all these insecurities lead me to?

Where would I bring myself to?

Feeling extremely annoyed and irritated with myself right now and I don't think it's a very awesome feeling. It's not new, but it's getting very common and I'm afraid there's really something wrong with me. I'm trying very hard to be honest with myself these few days because like I said before, I don't want to regret anything. But old habits die hard, and I run away from things I don't want to face. Maybe even shun them even when they're right in front of me. It's bad and useless; I know it. It's just that some unknown reason to me is bothering me so much that I never know what's wrong. And being with people...I don't know, I can't put up with some things any longer. It's almost a reflex; people asking what's wrong and it's a reflex to just brush it away and what I always say, "nah, it doesn't really matter". But no, to be honest, and I'm telling myself, I don't care what anybody thinks, but no, it does matter. It does matter so much that's why I'm even mentioning it somewhere or it's even existing in my brain. It's like I want to talk about it but I feel ashamed to. And I don't know what's wrong.

Anyway, to cut this stupid rant, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers out there! I'm sure all the kids in the world appreciate what you guys are doing (: We might not say much but honestly, we just thank God that you're put into our lives (: To my mum: happy mother's day (: I wrote you a card this year so you can't nag at me about it anymore hurhurhur. And yepp, I'll try my best to be a better kid ;) No promises, but at least I'll try.

Goodnight (: May all of you recover from the OBS craze and get back for school *groans*

xoxo,

me ((: