"The joke is on me..."

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ^^ Hahahaha. Finally one of the more festive seasons are here :DD Heehee. Hope everyone has had an enjoyable christmas because it's gonna end any time now ): 

>> Christmas Eve / D-24 :D Hahahaha. Nothing much in the morning, except going for my church's Christmas play at night (: Haven't been to my church's productions other than Thanksgiving (and super embarrassed of the years as a kid when I had to act during Thanksgiving *___*) and surprisingly it's quite good! 8) YAY. And can tell they put a lot of effort into planning and stuff (: The most shocking part was during this part...okay it wouldn't make sense unless I tell the story. So Jesus was preaching and everyone was hungry and the disciples asked if they should send the people home. Jesus said not to worry because God will provide (: And then a small boy appeared with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes! Jesus thanked God for the food and in the end the food was enough to feed 5000 people! (: And when they acted out that part, they really made the kids acting hand out little gift packs with bread biscuit thing and some pamphlets (: AMAZINGGGG. It was quite awkward there because of the massive amount of people there and stuff .__. That was my christmas eve people~ How was yours? (:

>> Christmas today! AHAHA, nothing impressive. Started the day with a call from Pengfei to discuss about CMC proposals == LOL, a bit diaozxc, working on Christmas day (x Frankly it was because we both woke up at 4AM and I texted him and we were both very tired and he just said that we both should go and sleep more and the first person to wake up shall call the other person then can start discussion. I slept through my 6:30 alarm -.- And by the time we both were ready to discuss it was like...10:30 LMAO. Aish, but at least we're done with it! (: Yup. Then starved until 3PM before heading to have lunch * U * After that prepared for family dinner (: And watched some awesome show titled Courage. Go check it out on YouTube ;) And they all just left so I'm here being an anti-social person while my dad drinks with our neighbour at our level lobby O___O Weirdo~

It sucks when you're ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world.

Many bad and unfortunate things can probably be avoided in this world if people start speaking instead of talking, and listening instead of hearing. 

If only I had no expectations...then I'd have no disappointment. 

I don't know why I'm typing this here lol. I did something similar on Tumblr but somehow I felt like over there it's just for summarized stuff but here it's just somewhere I can type long grandmother stories and feel okay again. Pardon me you can skip this entire part. Yeah so...saw them again and it felt so horrible. Make that super horrible. It's like everything was in chaos and we couldn't find seats and there were songs going on everywhere and it was dark with only the spotlights and I felt like I was walking in circles just to look for a seat. And as I was walking I saw so many familiar faces and I felt like hiding myself, and I was so self-conscious to even be walking because I know they would be looking. And then when I turned, I almost bumped into her and her friends. Someone I used to feel so bitter towards but after that learnt that she was probably hurting more than I did and I guess some part of me just softened. And looking at her then, I wondered if she felt the same way I did or maybe more than I did. Then I saw the two guys but I didn't see him and I'm glad I didn't. I have too many connections with him and I cannot stand it. When I heard news about him again I felt like hiding because I almost forgot everything about him but just one sentence from someone and all those things that I've been hiding came like a hurricane. And then I saw the other him and it felt so weird because I used to trust him but it turned out that he was only a 60 seconds friend. And the things that I told him, I feel so embarrassed of them now. I hope he's forgotten about them. And then I saw you and I just wished that nagging feeling would go away because it was too much for me to take. The fact that my gaze just lingered a fraction of a second longer, I felt like bashing myself up. The place I was in didn't help at all, just made things harder than it already was. For moments I just stayed still and exhaled a couple of times, as if I could make myself disappear. And there you were, for a while just standing there, staring into blank space with your head lowered. The whole time...it was just a mess. I was just pretending every single time, and when it was time to leave, I didn't even want to do it at all. I hope you didn't notice me staring at you 'cause that'd be horrible. And then after everything I sat in the car and just listened to many many many songs and each time I felt like the songs were singing to me and mocking me. For all I know, everything that happened was a joke and I was just getting played by so many people. And they don't know how much they mean to me during those moments because probably to them, I was nothing. I promised myself not to think or dwell on such things but when you spent so long thinking, crying, dissecting every single emotion you felt, it's hard to put it all down.

Ignore my ramble. 

Alright, that's all! (: HAHA, hope you guys will have a good boxing day as well~

xoxo,

me

"The joke is on me..."

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ^^ Hahahaha. Finally one of the more festive seasons are here :DD Heehee. Hope everyone has had an enjoyable christmas because it's gonna end any time now ): 

>> Christmas Eve / D-24 :D Hahahaha. Nothing much in the morning, except going for my church's Christmas play at night (: Haven't been to my church's productions other than Thanksgiving (and super embarrassed of the years as a kid when I had to act during Thanksgiving *___*) and surprisingly it's quite good! 8) YAY. And can tell they put a lot of effort into planning and stuff (: The most shocking part was during this part...okay it wouldn't make sense unless I tell the story. So Jesus was preaching and everyone was hungry and the disciples asked if they should send the people home. Jesus said not to worry because God will provide (: And then a small boy appeared with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes! Jesus thanked God for the food and in the end the food was enough to feed 5000 people! (: And when they acted out that part, they really made the kids acting hand out little gift packs with bread biscuit thing and some pamphlets (: AMAZINGGGG. It was quite awkward there because of the massive amount of people there and stuff .__. That was my christmas eve people~ How was yours? (:

>> Christmas today! AHAHA, nothing impressive. Started the day with a call from Pengfei to discuss about CMC proposals == LOL, a bit diaozxc, working on Christmas day (x Frankly it was because we both woke up at 4AM and I texted him and we were both very tired and he just said that we both should go and sleep more and the first person to wake up shall call the other person then can start discussion. I slept through my 6:30 alarm -.- And by the time we both were ready to discuss it was like...10:30 LMAO. Aish, but at least we're done with it! (: Yup. Then starved until 3PM before heading to have lunch * U * After that prepared for family dinner (: And watched some awesome show titled Courage. Go check it out on YouTube ;) And they all just left so I'm here being an anti-social person while my dad drinks with our neighbour at our level lobby O___O Weirdo~

It sucks when you're ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world.

Many bad and unfortunate things can probably be avoided in this world if people start speaking instead of talking, and listening instead of hearing. 

If only I had no expectations...then I'd have no disappointment. 

I don't know why I'm typing this here lol. I did something similar on Tumblr but somehow I felt like over there it's just for summarized stuff but here it's just somewhere I can type long grandmother stories and feel okay again. Pardon me you can skip this entire part. Yeah so...saw them again and it felt so horrible. Make that super horrible. It's like everything was in chaos and we couldn't find seats and there were songs going on everywhere and it was dark with only the spotlights and I felt like I was walking in circles just to look for a seat. And as I was walking I saw so many familiar faces and I felt like hiding myself, and I was so self-conscious to even be walking because I know they would be looking. And then when I turned, I almost bumped into her and her friends. Someone I used to feel so bitter towards but after that learnt that she was probably hurting more than I did and I guess some part of me just softened. And looking at her then, I wondered if she felt the same way I did or maybe more than I did. Then I saw the two guys but I didn't see him and I'm glad I didn't. I have too many connections with him and I cannot stand it. When I heard news about him again I felt like hiding because I almost forgot everything about him but just one sentence from someone and all those things that I've been hiding came like a hurricane. And then I saw the other him and it felt so weird because I used to trust him but it turned out that he was only a 60 seconds friend. And the things that I told him, I feel so embarrassed of them now. I hope he's forgotten about them. And then I saw you and I just wished that nagging feeling would go away because it was too much for me to take. The fact that my gaze just lingered a fraction of a second longer, I felt like bashing myself up. The place I was in didn't help at all, just made things harder than it already was. For moments I just stayed still and exhaled a couple of times, as if I could make myself disappear. And there you were, for a while just standing there, staring into blank space with your head lowered. The whole time...it was just a mess. I was just pretending every single time, and when it was time to leave, I didn't even want to do it at all. I hope you didn't notice me staring at you 'cause that'd be horrible. And then after everything I sat in the car and just listened to many many many songs and each time I felt like the songs were singing to me and mocking me. For all I know, everything that happened was a joke and I was just getting played by so many people. And they don't know how much they mean to me during those moments because probably to them, I was nothing. I promised myself not to think or dwell on such things but when you spent so long thinking, crying, dissecting every single emotion you felt, it's hard to put it all down.

Ignore my ramble. 

Alright, that's all! (: HAHA, hope you guys will have a good boxing day as well~

xoxo,

me