I have moved!!!
https://sushirollsandtomatoes.wordpress.com
But will be leaving this blog here (until I can't stand it and decide to delete it) because it's been around for so long; I can't bear to delete it.
Currently sick (again) and really can't find any motivation to revise anything for ELL. I am just very tired, very cold, and very hungry. My nose is blocked and I can't breathe and my throat really hurts like crazy. Can't believe I ate two slices of pizza in the afternoon and fried fish because now I just really want a warm bowl of soup.
Anyway, would be moving to WordPress soon, so this would probably be my last post. I don't know what compelled me to make the shift but I guess I just wanted something new. It feels quite weird to stop blogging here, afterall it's called 'blogging' for a reason and not wordpressing or anything. And to leave behind the handle that I've used since Primary School? That's strange. I don't think I've changed much and it's so odd to not see the familiar paisley background and the strange quotes and the really childish url and everything. (((Not that my new link is any better though; just a heads-up)))
Sometimes I want to re-invent the kind of image people have of me because I'm so tired of keeping up with it. I hate it that when people ask if I'm feeling alright and I have to say yes because if I don't I would seem like I'm making a big fuss out of things and "that shouldn't be the way Cheryl is". So tiring.
Okay, I really can't breathe and I should get to studying.
Am really tired, so I'd probably go and sleep soon and wake up earlier to do some work. Sigh.
Today was pretty great. It was my first time attending another church service that wasn't my own and thank you Natasha for inviting me. I guess it was kind of a cultural shock because I've always been in a more mild church but it was nice and heartwarming to see people coming up to accept Jesus at the end of the service and everyone being so encouraging. Anyway, today's message was pretty apt I guess because firstly, they talked about loving the people around us. And it can be so difficult at times because some people make it difficult to love but no matter what, we should try to give them as much love as we can, just like how God still loves us even though we sin and we disappoint him again and again. And then, there was a pastor who shared about her testimony and she talked about how she was living her life in darkness for more than 20 years. But one day someone prayed for her and she heard a voice that said that God loves her, God forgives her, and God is proud of her. And I guess it spoke to me because sometimes no matter what we do we always feel like we cannot satisfy anyone around us and we get so weary. But God from above who is looking down on us is always looking down on us in love. Lastly, we sang a worship song called "First" and it reminded me of how God is enough and all that I need. And that I should always remember that first love and first joy that I felt when I first accepted him as my Lord and Saviour. And His love never fails.
Trying to build a relationship one step at a time.
It's difficult that you're so far away.
In two weeks I've sustained a back injury and I got hit in the head. I'm having a migraine again and I think I'm having heartburn. Just honestly feel so sickly, unfit and accident prone. And now I know why they say that your quality of life is compromised because I perpetually feel like I might fall asleep and die any moment. Which makes me come back to the point of writing this because I am afraid to sleep tonight because I'm afraid I'd somehow die.
Anyway, I want to say that I'm glad that I live in Singapore and that I am a Singaporean. And I know there are bungalows for improvement and some people have so much to complain about our teeny weeny island but I'm glad I was born here and raised here and I have a life like this. We have the capabilities to complain about our life now because our first level of needs are already met, such as safety and security and everything. I was looking at this photograph in Times magazine about a city in Syria after the bombings and how deserted it was and how destroyed it was. And then I read about Boko Haram and how they are perpetually kidnapping school students and killing teachers because of their hatred towards Western education. And because of that these people worry about terrorism, and all they want is to feel safe. And here in Singapore we barely worry about such things and the only thing we worry about are passing our exams and succeeding in life when people somewhere else probably don't have the opportunity to go to school or even see tomorrow. So that struck me. And I am thankful that it is 9pm now but I can still travel in the train and walk home on my own without having to worry about being kidnapped (well, relatively safe) and I get to go home to a home without worrying that I'll come back to a crater created by a bomb or something. Nor do I have to worry about being shot in the streets. And I am thankful that even though I'm being driven crazy by homework, I have a choice to pursue what I really want to do in the future. So I think sometimes we need to pause for a while and instead of complaining about the standard of living and the competition here, say a little word of thanks that at least we have the chance to compete and live. Because some people are not fighting for university places but for the right to live.
I guess I've always been wanting to treasure life as it is but I've never really set it as a goal or try to achieve that but this year I'd really try, especially with all the stress piling up. And I've made a promise to myself to care about the things that truly matter, fight for what means the most to me, let go of things that aren't meant to be, ignore negative people and comments, and last but not least, to spend time with myself because it's alright to be alone.
And I guess you only realise all these when you lose things and you gain things and when it hits you in your face again and again. But better late than never right?
Last night we tried to talk but we couldn't because the reception was so bad and I had to repeat myself again and again until I got tired because I don't want to repeat all the bad things that happened. Maybe the more times I repeat, the more it'll hurt so I didn't bother. I said "never mind" so many times are I brushed things off so many times because he couldn't hear me on the other side until I kind of really wished I didn't mind. And I waited by the phone and kept my promise to drop everything for just that half an hour but in the end I waited in vain because we got cut off so many times and he had so many things to do that 1 hour just flew past without me even knowing. It was alright yesterday but today I'm not alright because I am alone now and I like being alone sometimes because I don't have to worry about people but I wish there were so many things going on now that I won't remember why I'm upset.
