"Why do you put your self-esteem in the hands of complete strangers?"
Wednesday, December 3, 201411:25 PM
No matter how okay a day is, but once I see anything related to him I just crumble a bit inside. Surely I am getting there but maybe a bit too slowly. How do I do this?
How do we know who is worth it and who isn't? Recently I realised it's not if things are worth it or not because mostly it all really boils down to the people who are related to it. Like if I'm thinking if the effort I put in in SJ is worth it I don't actually care if the name of Dunman High is well-known to other schools or if we keep up our reputation, but I would determine how worth it all the effort I put in is by the people and if they benefit or if they feel thankful and all that. And it's so hard to determine the worthiness of things. Usually we wait until things go wrong before we realise they're not worth it. It's like you've got to embark on the journey before you know if it's worth it or not. (Kind of reminds me of the Schrödinger's cat) I wonder if I've ever been a regret. Like I'm sure that I've done things before that made people upset and disappointed and like I'm a bad person. But I'm not sure if I've been so hopeless that people regret even knowing me.
Perhaps people didn't think I'd plan to stay but what if I change my mind and I want to stay forever?
