Perhaps it's against my principles to leave something bad as the first thing people read, so I hope this comes off better.

I think the reason why I've been feeling anything other than getting better is because his As are ending and that was something both of us were waiting for since probably the beginning of the year. And we talked about the things we wanted to do and the places we wanted to visit together, and the life we'd have after we're both done with things like that. So I think the most difficult part would be to look past all these plans we made because they are things that we won't get to do anymore. 

I don't think this does him justice if I keep posting sad things, because everyone will just think he's an asshole and that's the last thing I'd want anyone to think of him. And I guess I was disappointed that it ended like that because we wanted so much more from this but I'm not angry with him or anything. I just miss his stupid face and everything. 

He's given me so much to remember him by and I guess he was the first of many memories and the first always hurts the most and it lasts the most. Perhaps some day when I go about doing different things with other people, he'll always come to mind because I did all these things with him first. And no matter what I do, I can't forget all these. I told him on the last day that I didn't want to ever forget him and he said "You won't" and I guess that's true because I don't think it would have meant anything if I forgot just like that.

I am thankful and will be thankful for all of the time he spent with me, doing things to make me feel better and creating so many good memories that I'll keep with me until the end of time. Despite his other commitments and responsibilities, especially since it's his As year, he still made time for me. And until now I wonder if he'll ever blame me for taking away so much time from him when he could be studying. And he has this way of making you feel special and wanted and needed, and it's like he's thinking of you every single second of the day. And you won't have to worry about being forgotten because he'll surprise you with coffee or tea or snacks. And you know that he'll give you his best because he tells you that you deserve nothing but that. I am thankful and grateful for everything he's given me. And I'm sure that he spent many "firsts" with me as well, and it isn't fair to wish that he'd remember them forever but I'm just grateful for that short period of time where he actually thought that things felt right.

People grow apart and I'm sad to say that we've grown apart because he's someone that I wanted to just grow closer and closer and to watch him sleep beside me in ten years to come and face my greatest fear of death with me. But things don't work this way. And I don't know why. Perhaps for better or for worse, but I'll never know. I won't share other memories here I guess; they're for me and me only to keep and to seal away. We can't even be friends even though we said we'd be because I don't think it's that easy to just be friends like that. And that part saddens me the most because I probably won't ever see him again after he leaves the school. And perhaps that's his choice; to fly high like eagles and to leave everything of the past six years behind. Including me.

But I still wish that he'll get to do everything he's ever wanted to do. To travel and to see the world, to watch soccer live somewhere, to work with animals, to live in the area he's always wanted to live in, be together with his family, and so many more. 

I pray every day that God will find a way to make things work again. But I also start burying old memories deeper into my heart in the event that it doesn't; so that I won't forget them but it will also become harder to dig them up again. And for him, I keep him in my prayers that he'll be happy and blessed every single day. You see, he deserves the best and nothing less, and if I can't be that for him then that's okay. What we shared was good, and it will stay good in my heart and in my mind. I believe in things like fate, and I believe in God, and if there's a way there will be a way. And if there isn't, then we shall be like perpendicular lines - to cross paths once and then never again.

His last paper will end soon, and he'll start a new chapter of life. And that's okay. Perhaps not all things work out right on the first try. And that's okay.

Perhaps it's against my principles to leave something bad as the first thing people read, so I hope this comes off better.

I think the reason why I've been feeling anything other than getting better is because his As are ending and that was something both of us were waiting for since probably the beginning of the year. And we talked about the things we wanted to do and the places we wanted to visit together, and the life we'd have after we're both done with things like that. So I think the most difficult part would be to look past all these plans we made because they are things that we won't get to do anymore. 

I don't think this does him justice if I keep posting sad things, because everyone will just think he's an asshole and that's the last thing I'd want anyone to think of him. And I guess I was disappointed that it ended like that because we wanted so much more from this but I'm not angry with him or anything. I just miss his stupid face and everything. 

He's given me so much to remember him by and I guess he was the first of many memories and the first always hurts the most and it lasts the most. Perhaps some day when I go about doing different things with other people, he'll always come to mind because I did all these things with him first. And no matter what I do, I can't forget all these. I told him on the last day that I didn't want to ever forget him and he said "You won't" and I guess that's true because I don't think it would have meant anything if I forgot just like that.

I am thankful and will be thankful for all of the time he spent with me, doing things to make me feel better and creating so many good memories that I'll keep with me until the end of time. Despite his other commitments and responsibilities, especially since it's his As year, he still made time for me. And until now I wonder if he'll ever blame me for taking away so much time from him when he could be studying. And he has this way of making you feel special and wanted and needed, and it's like he's thinking of you every single second of the day. And you won't have to worry about being forgotten because he'll surprise you with coffee or tea or snacks. And you know that he'll give you his best because he tells you that you deserve nothing but that. I am thankful and grateful for everything he's given me. And I'm sure that he spent many "firsts" with me as well, and it isn't fair to wish that he'd remember them forever but I'm just grateful for that short period of time where he actually thought that things felt right.

People grow apart and I'm sad to say that we've grown apart because he's someone that I wanted to just grow closer and closer and to watch him sleep beside me in ten years to come and face my greatest fear of death with me. But things don't work this way. And I don't know why. Perhaps for better or for worse, but I'll never know. I won't share other memories here I guess; they're for me and me only to keep and to seal away. We can't even be friends even though we said we'd be because I don't think it's that easy to just be friends like that. And that part saddens me the most because I probably won't ever see him again after he leaves the school. And perhaps that's his choice; to fly high like eagles and to leave everything of the past six years behind. Including me.

But I still wish that he'll get to do everything he's ever wanted to do. To travel and to see the world, to watch soccer live somewhere, to work with animals, to live in the area he's always wanted to live in, be together with his family, and so many more. 

I pray every day that God will find a way to make things work again. But I also start burying old memories deeper into my heart in the event that it doesn't; so that I won't forget them but it will also become harder to dig them up again. And for him, I keep him in my prayers that he'll be happy and blessed every single day. You see, he deserves the best and nothing less, and if I can't be that for him then that's okay. What we shared was good, and it will stay good in my heart and in my mind. I believe in things like fate, and I believe in God, and if there's a way there will be a way. And if there isn't, then we shall be like perpendicular lines - to cross paths once and then never again.

His last paper will end soon, and he'll start a new chapter of life. And that's okay. Perhaps not all things work out right on the first try. And that's okay.