I've decided to go on a hiatus because I realised that every time when I'm online, I either see things I don't want to see or I end up writing about him and I don't think that helps very much. So here's to a break (:

Today when I went for consultation, Ms Hidayah was talking about the variety of dramas that she watches, and she was lamenting about how dramas always present love and all in a very dramatic and unrealistic way but they often convey the wrong message and then everyone just confuses them with reality. And she said something about "noble idiots" in dramas which are the people who separate and leave their partners and are mean to them and ignore their entire existence because they think that doing so would give the other party a better life or some sort. And I don't know, I was just thinking about that and I guess you only know what's good for yourself. Everything happens for a reason and even if the ending is horrible because of a decision you made which you thought was good for yourself, but the things you get out of this experience is always so much more than you could ever ask for. So I think that life is actually very very simple and they're just split into things we like and we dislike; things that we want and we don't; and things that matter and things that are a waste of time. But we tend to always complicate our own lives when everything's actually pretty simple.

Then we started talking about Literature and whatever I said above sounds so simplistic and too superficial (in a way) when Literature is all about understanding the world better, but then I think the more I realise all the chaos and complication in the world, the more I want to find simplicity and innocence in the world. And that's the beauty of Literature I guess. I'm not the best at understanding Literature but I just think that it opens your mind to everything lovely in the world, and even the ugliest parts come together so nicely. 

And she told me about studying overseas because I told her that I want to study English. And she was telling me about how studying English in Singapore is good, but the options overseas are so much better because the experience is so much more enriching and they are more established. And I was sitting there wondering about my options. I believe that if I put my heart to something, even though I might be losing out to people who have already gotten a head start, I believe that I can get somewhere. But then there are so many considerations like cost and other things. So many things I cannot put down if I were to leave Singapore. It's not like I'm not coming back, but I'd be spending the most important years of my life somewhere else and so far away from the place I've grown up in. And for me, I'd like a family before a career and I don't want to end up blindly chasing a career because at the end of the day it's nothing. It would be nothing to me. I have dreams about what I want to do, but I don't think it's something I would fight to the end for. So there are so many considerations. And of course, the money. And the scholarships which will be so out of each and so far away. But this shall take time and I will ask God for a way (:

I still love everything I used to love but I'm taking time off to find myself again (: Giving myself a lot of time and that's all I need (: Currently am on a road to understanding myself better and being a better person for myself and everyone around me. Please give me time; I will be back soon (:

I've decided to go on a hiatus because I realised that every time when I'm online, I either see things I don't want to see or I end up writing about him and I don't think that helps very much. So here's to a break (:

Today when I went for consultation, Ms Hidayah was talking about the variety of dramas that she watches, and she was lamenting about how dramas always present love and all in a very dramatic and unrealistic way but they often convey the wrong message and then everyone just confuses them with reality. And she said something about "noble idiots" in dramas which are the people who separate and leave their partners and are mean to them and ignore their entire existence because they think that doing so would give the other party a better life or some sort. And I don't know, I was just thinking about that and I guess you only know what's good for yourself. Everything happens for a reason and even if the ending is horrible because of a decision you made which you thought was good for yourself, but the things you get out of this experience is always so much more than you could ever ask for. So I think that life is actually very very simple and they're just split into things we like and we dislike; things that we want and we don't; and things that matter and things that are a waste of time. But we tend to always complicate our own lives when everything's actually pretty simple.

Then we started talking about Literature and whatever I said above sounds so simplistic and too superficial (in a way) when Literature is all about understanding the world better, but then I think the more I realise all the chaos and complication in the world, the more I want to find simplicity and innocence in the world. And that's the beauty of Literature I guess. I'm not the best at understanding Literature but I just think that it opens your mind to everything lovely in the world, and even the ugliest parts come together so nicely. 

And she told me about studying overseas because I told her that I want to study English. And she was telling me about how studying English in Singapore is good, but the options overseas are so much better because the experience is so much more enriching and they are more established. And I was sitting there wondering about my options. I believe that if I put my heart to something, even though I might be losing out to people who have already gotten a head start, I believe that I can get somewhere. But then there are so many considerations like cost and other things. So many things I cannot put down if I were to leave Singapore. It's not like I'm not coming back, but I'd be spending the most important years of my life somewhere else and so far away from the place I've grown up in. And for me, I'd like a family before a career and I don't want to end up blindly chasing a career because at the end of the day it's nothing. It would be nothing to me. I have dreams about what I want to do, but I don't think it's something I would fight to the end for. So there are so many considerations. And of course, the money. And the scholarships which will be so out of each and so far away. But this shall take time and I will ask God for a way (:

I still love everything I used to love but I'm taking time off to find myself again (: Giving myself a lot of time and that's all I need (: Currently am on a road to understanding myself better and being a better person for myself and everyone around me. Please give me time; I will be back soon (: