"It's dark inside."

Was talking to a friend and it got me thinking about all the experiences in life and how different people would be if they shared the same experiences. But then would that make everyone the same and then there would be no memories to distinguish one from another?

People would be different if they've ever sat on their bathroom floor in defeat and bawled their eyes out over someone stupid, and couldn't stop for over an hour. They would be different because they watch raw feelings pour out of them and onto the floor where they just lie and hope for the pain to pass quickly. And the danger they feel, because life goes on outside the door and they know they can't spend too long hidden inside because someone would get worried outside. The kind of feeling when you finally decide enough is enough and when you do let yourself look in the mirror and how pathetic you look, you kind of realise how stupid this is and you make sure you look presentable. But give yourself a day or two, and you find yourself sinking into the same feelings and repeating the whole cycle all over again. People would be different because they see how weak we are on the inside, but strong enough to get up and continue walking. Then we meet ourselves again, and then we become weak to fall back into the same pattern.

People would be different if they've ever sat in a coach in another country, and watch life go by. It isn't the same as sitting in a cafe or sitting by the window and looking at people do their daily stuff, but it's even faster and even more rapid because we're all moving. And perhaps you'll never remember what you saw, but the feelings and things you imagine then would be the only things you can take away. How it would be like if you broke through the windows and ran off into the forest and meadows and over the hills, and how you would build yourself a wooden hut in the snow and how you'd light up a gas stove to keep you warm and how you'd live on bread and butter. How surreal it would be if you could come back again some day maybe with different people and how things won't turn out the same. People would be different because it isn't even appreciating (that's overrated sometimes) but they just see and feel at the same time.

People would be different if they've ever wanted to die. It isn't about wondering if there's life after death or what happens after we die and things like that. It's about really wanting to find out if the world would change if they finally realise you're gone, or how people would regret things they did to you, or how you wouldn't have to feel what you're feeling anymore. But at the same time, I hope people who do feel this way always realise that it isn't worth it because as cliche as it sounds, nothing lasts forever. And so do the bad things. They don't last forever. Imagine the future you're giving up; it's like closing the door to a bright flame before you even get to touch it. People would be different because if they know death, they would treasure life, and everyone would be kinder and nicer to everything that has breath.

People would be different if they've ever had things like a Tumblr or Twitter account. They would be different because you get to see things you probably will never see and there are amazing things yet to be found and every day, what you already know stays the same because what you don't know just keeps increasing. You find people whom you don't know but feel like you do because of the words that they say and the pictures that they like. People would be different because they realise how shallow they actually are, and then they would start digging deeper into their souls to discover themselves.

People would be different if they've truly felt loneliness. No, not the kind where you go to a party and you don't know anyone. That's just being alone, not feeling lonely. It's about being in a sea of people that you've had conversations with, but not finding anyone whom you can click with. It's about sitting with your friends, yet feeling like they don't even want you to be there. Feeling like you're redundant. Like they don't even like you but they're just tolerating you. It's about lying in bed at night and wondering who's up and realising it's really none of your business because you're nobody's business anyway. It's about having a problem, wanting to cry, yet having no one to cry to. People would be different because they know what it's like to be unwanted and unloved, and being alone in a crowded room not because they don't know anyone but because they're not sure if their presence was even known.

Well, I don't know, but I really really really wonder how do some people just float through their entire lives not finding anything to work towards or dreams or anything. But just being unclear of their own feelings and their wants, and at the end of the day it's just so meaningless. But I'll never know; maybe that's what they truly want, and perhaps they have the kind of happiness I'll never understand.

xoxo,

me

"It's dark inside."

Was talking to a friend and it got me thinking about all the experiences in life and how different people would be if they shared the same experiences. But then would that make everyone the same and then there would be no memories to distinguish one from another?

People would be different if they've ever sat on their bathroom floor in defeat and bawled their eyes out over someone stupid, and couldn't stop for over an hour. They would be different because they watch raw feelings pour out of them and onto the floor where they just lie and hope for the pain to pass quickly. And the danger they feel, because life goes on outside the door and they know they can't spend too long hidden inside because someone would get worried outside. The kind of feeling when you finally decide enough is enough and when you do let yourself look in the mirror and how pathetic you look, you kind of realise how stupid this is and you make sure you look presentable. But give yourself a day or two, and you find yourself sinking into the same feelings and repeating the whole cycle all over again. People would be different because they see how weak we are on the inside, but strong enough to get up and continue walking. Then we meet ourselves again, and then we become weak to fall back into the same pattern.

People would be different if they've ever sat in a coach in another country, and watch life go by. It isn't the same as sitting in a cafe or sitting by the window and looking at people do their daily stuff, but it's even faster and even more rapid because we're all moving. And perhaps you'll never remember what you saw, but the feelings and things you imagine then would be the only things you can take away. How it would be like if you broke through the windows and ran off into the forest and meadows and over the hills, and how you would build yourself a wooden hut in the snow and how you'd light up a gas stove to keep you warm and how you'd live on bread and butter. How surreal it would be if you could come back again some day maybe with different people and how things won't turn out the same. People would be different because it isn't even appreciating (that's overrated sometimes) but they just see and feel at the same time.

People would be different if they've ever wanted to die. It isn't about wondering if there's life after death or what happens after we die and things like that. It's about really wanting to find out if the world would change if they finally realise you're gone, or how people would regret things they did to you, or how you wouldn't have to feel what you're feeling anymore. But at the same time, I hope people who do feel this way always realise that it isn't worth it because as cliche as it sounds, nothing lasts forever. And so do the bad things. They don't last forever. Imagine the future you're giving up; it's like closing the door to a bright flame before you even get to touch it. People would be different because if they know death, they would treasure life, and everyone would be kinder and nicer to everything that has breath.

People would be different if they've ever had things like a Tumblr or Twitter account. They would be different because you get to see things you probably will never see and there are amazing things yet to be found and every day, what you already know stays the same because what you don't know just keeps increasing. You find people whom you don't know but feel like you do because of the words that they say and the pictures that they like. People would be different because they realise how shallow they actually are, and then they would start digging deeper into their souls to discover themselves.

People would be different if they've truly felt loneliness. No, not the kind where you go to a party and you don't know anyone. That's just being alone, not feeling lonely. It's about being in a sea of people that you've had conversations with, but not finding anyone whom you can click with. It's about sitting with your friends, yet feeling like they don't even want you to be there. Feeling like you're redundant. Like they don't even like you but they're just tolerating you. It's about lying in bed at night and wondering who's up and realising it's really none of your business because you're nobody's business anyway. It's about having a problem, wanting to cry, yet having no one to cry to. People would be different because they know what it's like to be unwanted and unloved, and being alone in a crowded room not because they don't know anyone but because they're not sure if their presence was even known.

Well, I don't know, but I really really really wonder how do some people just float through their entire lives not finding anything to work towards or dreams or anything. But just being unclear of their own feelings and their wants, and at the end of the day it's just so meaningless. But I'll never know; maybe that's what they truly want, and perhaps they have the kind of happiness I'll never understand.

xoxo,

me