"And I still can't believe that you're mine."

Hahahaha just three things to say before I start anything:

1. APink is freaking pretty I can't stand it.

2. Tumblr is not working. I can't scroll down past the first few posts and I can't reblog anything on the computer. Do you feel my heartache. It's basically useless now.

3. It's Saturday. And school starts on Monday. Do I hear a hell no. 

Yesterday was pretty uneventful but at least I got to take a breather other than going to school for comptrains and rushing to everywhere else. Went to Chock with Xiner after asdfghjkl long, like the date was way overdue because I am a busy person with so little time and so many restrictions. So yup, met her for brunch before the school week starts again and I would have no time again D: Chock's at Changi Village and so I took 34 stops on two buses to get there (omg) and I got lost because I walked the wrong direction and everything. They have lots of good food on their menu but we weren't exactly hungry (because Xiner ate mutton soup while waiting for me???).

Talked about school and stuff since I haven't seen her in ages and even though nothing much has changed since we last met but oh well, things are just different. It was good nonetheless. Then we bus-ed to Pasir Ris because there were no buses to anywhere near anywhere and since she needed to head back to school hahahaha. Then yep, we both went to different places to study ahahaha ;) But it was a good day and I'm glad it happened.

Recently I was just thinking about TFIOS because sometimes when I get real bored I read my books all over again instead of getting new ones (I'm in need of new ones even though I have no time for them hint hint hint). And then I was just thinking when you lose someone whom you've been so close to, like you literally want to spend the rest of your life with and you love the person so much; and then you lose them like, they die. It's so different as compared to having the person leave you in the most innocent sense, like they're just miles away and not with you and stuff like that. Like yeah, you miss them but you know they still exist and that you might see them and even though it hurts to know they exist but they're not with you, at least they still live. But now what's happening is that this person whom you love very very much does not exist anymore and you won't see them ever again and they cease to take up any space on this earth no matter how much space they take up in your heart and mind. It's like everything you've ever wanted to do with them you have to do it alone or with someone else. And it doesn't just hurt to know they're not there anymore but it literally rips you to shreds. You can't even talk to them or mail them letters or even hate them for leaving because they're not even there.

Can't imagine growing up and the needs of mine won't be getting good grades and reaching home by a certain time but paying the bills, earning enough money, doing my job well, raising kids, cleaning the house. It's so crazy. When we were kids we wanted to grow up so badly and our parents would tell us no, and now I see it. 3 more years to being 20, and slowly making my way to death. It's such a long journey I suppose, but looking back, it's really not enough time. 

Have I ever mentioned that I really want to keep a dog but I'm really scared of them so I'm hoping to work towards not fearing them by the time I hit old age.

I think I'm a child in the sense that I don't have an old soul and I still do stupid stuff that I did when I was younger. But I think everyone will reach a certain age where this part within them that holds some form of child-like beliefs just dies. And it really dies and never gets resurrected. You can still believe in Santa Claus and finding joy in frolicking in the sea but you just stop believing in people and the good in them, and how things might just last forever. That's the part I don't want to lose, but it's slipping right past me and I can't grasp it no matter how many times I tell myself to.

Alright, TIME TO FINISH MORE WORK.

xoxo,

me 

"And I still can't believe that you're mine."

Hahahaha just three things to say before I start anything:

1. APink is freaking pretty I can't stand it.

2. Tumblr is not working. I can't scroll down past the first few posts and I can't reblog anything on the computer. Do you feel my heartache. It's basically useless now.

3. It's Saturday. And school starts on Monday. Do I hear a hell no. 

Yesterday was pretty uneventful but at least I got to take a breather other than going to school for comptrains and rushing to everywhere else. Went to Chock with Xiner after asdfghjkl long, like the date was way overdue because I am a busy person with so little time and so many restrictions. So yup, met her for brunch before the school week starts again and I would have no time again D: Chock's at Changi Village and so I took 34 stops on two buses to get there (omg) and I got lost because I walked the wrong direction and everything. They have lots of good food on their menu but we weren't exactly hungry (because Xiner ate mutton soup while waiting for me???).

Talked about school and stuff since I haven't seen her in ages and even though nothing much has changed since we last met but oh well, things are just different. It was good nonetheless. Then we bus-ed to Pasir Ris because there were no buses to anywhere near anywhere and since she needed to head back to school hahahaha. Then yep, we both went to different places to study ahahaha ;) But it was a good day and I'm glad it happened.

Recently I was just thinking about TFIOS because sometimes when I get real bored I read my books all over again instead of getting new ones (I'm in need of new ones even though I have no time for them hint hint hint). And then I was just thinking when you lose someone whom you've been so close to, like you literally want to spend the rest of your life with and you love the person so much; and then you lose them like, they die. It's so different as compared to having the person leave you in the most innocent sense, like they're just miles away and not with you and stuff like that. Like yeah, you miss them but you know they still exist and that you might see them and even though it hurts to know they exist but they're not with you, at least they still live. But now what's happening is that this person whom you love very very much does not exist anymore and you won't see them ever again and they cease to take up any space on this earth no matter how much space they take up in your heart and mind. It's like everything you've ever wanted to do with them you have to do it alone or with someone else. And it doesn't just hurt to know they're not there anymore but it literally rips you to shreds. You can't even talk to them or mail them letters or even hate them for leaving because they're not even there.

Can't imagine growing up and the needs of mine won't be getting good grades and reaching home by a certain time but paying the bills, earning enough money, doing my job well, raising kids, cleaning the house. It's so crazy. When we were kids we wanted to grow up so badly and our parents would tell us no, and now I see it. 3 more years to being 20, and slowly making my way to death. It's such a long journey I suppose, but looking back, it's really not enough time. 

Have I ever mentioned that I really want to keep a dog but I'm really scared of them so I'm hoping to work towards not fearing them by the time I hit old age.

I think I'm a child in the sense that I don't have an old soul and I still do stupid stuff that I did when I was younger. But I think everyone will reach a certain age where this part within them that holds some form of child-like beliefs just dies. And it really dies and never gets resurrected. You can still believe in Santa Claus and finding joy in frolicking in the sea but you just stop believing in people and the good in them, and how things might just last forever. That's the part I don't want to lose, but it's slipping right past me and I can't grasp it no matter how many times I tell myself to.

Alright, TIME TO FINISH MORE WORK.

xoxo,

me