grrr.
Thursday, January 5, 20129:54 PM
"And we cry and cry and cry and cry..."
Kay, kind of have no mood to post ._. LOL. Wtf. Hahas. I am just super happy that orientation is finally over. And even though I screwed up my fore-and-aft like some...crappy woman, I am still glad. UGH, still disappointed about it because during the rehearsal it was okay but during the real thing 1) My legs forgot to work the first time 2) I looked weak 3) I stepped on Shini's skirt so I had to put her down again the second performance 4) I LOOKED CUI ALTOGETHER THANK YOU #nice But Staff Kennard was super nice!! Omg!! HAHA. After that had squad dinner and it was epic again and spazz. They mixed stuff together and made people drink it O_O Keane drank like, 4 mouths wth and Soong almost spat out everything can. HIS FACE xD Trolololol.
Why did we turn out like this? We shouldn't be like this. This is not what we deserve. I know there are bound to be hiccups along the way but this?! Idk. I felt very hurt when I heard things that you said. And how you felt about me. Even though I didn't want to say anything, but inside I felt like dying because I never wanted it to turn out like that. I thought what I was doing was right, and maybe it is, but no one tells me what to do and where to go so I am not sure now. And now when I see what's happening to us, I really wish I could just turn back time and show you how I was feeling and the reasons behind all my actions. I don't know how it'd be like in the future but for now, I really wish we were back to those days where when I'm with you, everything just felt alright.
^ The above sounds like I'm in love (wts) but I'm not okay. I am a good girl tyty.
Sometimes I really wonder the reasons behind everything that I'm doing for you guys. Every single day, and I do mean every single day, I sit at the table with paper and pen and I just think of all the things I can do for all of you that can make you guys feel okay with everything. And usually I end up without any ideas but without fail, these thoughts to help you guys never stop coming. I know I sound like some old stupid hag and I say curt stuff, but honestly, if I had a choice, I would keep my mouth shut. But I chose not to because I know what would happen if I did. Maybe you guys think that I'm wasting my time on all these stuff but I just don't see why I can't. I'm different from you guys. I gave up on everything else in school because no matter how hard I try (and tried), I keep failing. But you guys never made me feel like I failed. And that's what keeps me coming to school every single day. And I just don't understand why you guys think I'm a lunatic to be so enthu about such stuff but that's 'cause I'm JUST TOO FREE AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO CARE ABOUT OKAY. And I don't want to question myself about everything that I'm doing. I don't see the meaning but I just keep on doing, hoping to find the meaning again. And if anything that I've done makes you think that I suck or I am such a bitch or I am trying to be like-a-boss or just makes you feel like punching my face, just feel free to do so 'cause I know how it feels like. Idk. Maybe you guys should. Idgaf. Well but nevertheless, just know that I will keep on providing for you guys to the best of my abilities even if you think that I'm a bitch.
That's all. Paiseh for all the 'bitch' and stuff ._. That's the only word I could think of.
And I hope no one reads this, but if you do and you understand, I'm really glad you did(:
Love, Me
